another kind of me

Think of them as thoughtlets.
(but what are they really?)

For the week of november 30, 1997

tuesday, december 2, 1997, 04:02
Regardless of what happens in life, we keep on living. That's just the way it works.
The wind is blowing something fierce. I don't have the storm windows down, and i can hear it beating against the panes of glass, fractions of an inch from the warmth of my room (or supposed warmth, since the heater's off right now).
Getting home from thanksgiving, going to the theatre, leaving, watching a movie with friends, sleeping on the floor/couch/set back in the theatre, a full day of tech/writing cues, another movie, classes, back to the theatre for a tech rehearsal, to the lab to work, back home to try to forget the rest of my life.
I think that sums up the last three days of my life.
Oh, right. Bitter cold and no snow. What's up with that?
And the cleaver from my dream has appeared in my life. In the form of a prop in the show I'm working on.
If the girl shows up, I'm in trouble.
My finger nails are all shattering and my face is breaking out. I'm blaming it on stress.
My mind is a mess and I can't keep my thoughts straight.
My .plan right now sums up my life...
% finger jcn
Login name: jcn                         In real life: Jesse Chan-Norris
Directory: /u/jcn                       Shell: /bin/csh
Logged in on    Since   Idle    Owner                   Location
    cslab4e     Nov 29    :17   cs students             143        
Last login Tue Dec  2 03:11
New mail received Tue Dec  2 01:00:01 1997
     Unread since Tue Dec  2 01:00:07 1997
Project: http://shinbone.motives.com/lauan/
Plan:

"Holding to the ground as the ground keeps shifting.
 Trying to keep sane as the rules keep changing.
 Keeping up my head as my heart falls out of sight.
 Everything will be all right."
                                      - Mendel and Trina, "Falsettos"

                             home : 6605 :: slab : 7721 :: pw : 2776
Sitting in the theatre tonight, taking notes, was perfect. Pre-show stress, imperfect timing, pages of mistakes.
Nothing could have been better.
thursday, december 4, 1997, 04:10

You know, it seems that there's always somebody downstairs taking a shower.
Except now. Everything's quiet now.
And I slept funny last night and wrenched something in my neck. And have been saying "ow" all day because it hurts.
The show opens tomorrow. Nervous nervous. And have to finish last minute crap. Pain pain pain.
whee. life is fun.
Oh. no. i lied.
Seriously, if i may digress, I've found that the only time in the past week that i've been happy has been stressed out and tired in the theatre taking notes on the lighting cues that i had to fix for the show. I actually sat up in my chair and realized that I was happy.
Now if only i can keep this up for the rest of my life.
'Cause i'm failing at it on the short term...

saturday, december 6, 1997, 06:18

It's that weird time of day when we who have been up all night meet up with those who are just starting out on their days. Beginning meets end.
Leaving the cit i ran into the fencing team going up to boston for a meet. I was greeted with a "Good morning." Just weird.
Opening night went well. Show went off without a hitch, and I'm pretty much happy with it. Post-show. Not so good.
Cast parties are supposed to be fun. I'd forgotten what cast parties for musicals are like. These cast parties are generally filled with musical theatre people who have worked together on every musical that's gone up in the last couple of years. Inside jokes aboud (more than usual). For a relative outsider like myself, it gets quite awkward.
Add to that the fact that everyone was gathered in the kitchen (except for a few of us who were gathered in the living room) talking, instead of doing those normal cast party things like dancing and groping each other.
It was pretty much a bust. Left there, swung by the cit to see if the lab was still open. Was. Went home, got bruce, and went back to the lab. It's always nice to have company while consulting, even if that company comes in the form of a plush faux-Gund teddy bear.
And that brings us to about an hour ago, when i was planning on leaving and coming back here and going to sleep. That didn't take into account the conversation I would have with spike right as I was about to exit the doors to the outside. A mere quarter inch of glass separating me and the world which contains my bed, and I was trapped. An interesting conversation about free speech and departmental responsibility. But a conversation which was cutting into my sleeptime none-the-less.
I'm home now.
And the monitor's getting fuzzy.
... and suddenly the hinges started to unhitch. just then, a witch, to satisfy an itch, went flying on a broom stick, thumbing for a hitch...
That's it. I'm out.