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monday, november 17, 1997, 03:05

This was going to get written last night. I had every intention of writing it last night. I fell asleep instead. Oh well. These things happen. So, we experience it now. That's good. That's what this is for. This is for capturing my life, my experiences, so I can look back on them later and remember. And so you can know, or at least get a feel for my life.

So yesterday was the proverbial lazy day. Got up early for a theatre maintenance thing where we emptied out the costume shop. This means that I have more work to do in that theatre now that I ever did before. Argh. I have to build racks for the costumes to make more efficient use of the space, or something that. This basically translates into "time I don't have."

Other than that, however, I don't think I really did anything. Did some school work, cleaned my room a bit. Played on the computer a bit. But honestly, I don't know what I did. That's really strange.

Regardless. That night, danny, castelle and I walked down to the Juliana Hatfield concert. Now I had never heard her before yesterday (when danny loaned me a couple of her cds), but it was really a fun concert. Got down to the club and

you have no idea how hard it is to try to write while your suitemates are back behind you talking about shared memory. granted, it's my own damn fault for being in the common room, but still. argh.

Got down to the club and one of the opening bands was playing. Whatever. Listened for a bit, then went back to play centipeed. Damn fun. I want a centipede machine. I really missed out on my childhood having not gone and blown hundreds of dollars on video games. Especially the classics.

Oh well, that's what clubs with old arcade games are for, I suppose.

Played a couple of games, then inched our way back through

(the phrase "massively parallel machines" just drifted in. this does not sit wwell with me)

the crowd to listen to the sound guys fuck shit up while we were waiting for Juliana to come on. Technical problems ran rampant. Regardless, she started playing, and it was just cool. Nice, broad range of music, broad range of audience. All the kids. All the people who were alternative about 5 years ago (as danny put it). Old folk. That one weird guy who's at every concert. The huge guy standing next to me who graduated from college with a 2.4 gpa who was complaining about all the requirements they have in place now with the new curriculum that they put in whereever it was he went to school. The girl off to my right, her shoulder length brown hair held back with a hair band. Eyes closed, completely engulfed by the music, not caring about anything else in the world. The cute girl back to the left of me, whom I would keep stealing looks at, but couldn't look for too long for fear of looking like i was looking. I'd like to think that I saw her doing the same thing as i looked at her, but that's just wishful thinking.

Concerts are a wonderful thing. The entertainment industry is a fun thing. Concerts, theatre, whatever. It's all about making people happy. Or at the very least, taking people out of their lives, which no doubt suck, and placing them in an alternate reality. I thiknk this is what I want to do with my life.

This will change.

But at least now I have some sort of goal. Or something.

I think this is why the Lauan Records project is so interesting to me. It's the whole industry. It's just cool. And I get to be a part of it. In some small way. But I'm still a part of it.

And now it's a time for me to be a part of the rest of the world. The part that's sleeping.

Oh, duh. Tonight. Funny how things never turn out the way you want them to, how plans never seem to mean a thing once you get around to dealing wiht life. House managed a show tonight. Didn't understand the show at all, but it was beautiful to watch. Which brings up some interestion questions about theatre. But those are better left unasked right now.

After the show we struck the set. Big plaster things. That was hell, if only because i spent all night breathing in plaster dust. Argh. Then I dealt with cleaning up the lighting booth (and appropriated a couple of cds that I knew nobody was going to miss). And once all that was done, three and a half hours later, I gave sarah a call and went over there for a bit.

Talk talk blah blah. We went for a walk. Probably not the smartest thing I could have suggested, but it was nice, and it being 1:30 in the morning, there was nobody else around. Nice to talk to her. I miss being able to spend time with my friends. And I got to do a lot of it this weekend. Big win for me.

And then we got back to her place, and I was about to leave, and she leaned in to me and gave me a hug.

Who would have thought that a hug could mean so much? I didn't. Not until then. But that... so many emotions. Can't even expalin it. It was just, knowing that she felt... and that I was there... and... words can't even describe.

It was a nice feeling. That's what friends are for.

Adding a bit of nice to your life.

Yeah.

wednesday, november 19, 1997, 03:40

Boy, I really should be asleep.

Funny the way life never works out the way you planned it. Here I was, had everything planned. Read, theatre, help session, theatre, more work. Yeah, it was going to be fine. But then I descided that it would be a good idea for me to install the newest Linux kernel release for the bug fixes and all of that. Supposed to be pretty much a no-brainer.

Big mistake. First, my computer wouldn't boot. Some fluke. After the panic that ensued, it finally booted. Then my quickcam wouldn't work. And still doesn't incidentally. I'm not a happy camper. Spent a whole bunch of time doing that until I had to go to the help session. For a project that I don't even begin to understand.

But at this point my schedule had gotten fucked and i didn't get to go to rehearsal. So I didn't get to see any of this show that i need a lighting design done for.

Went to the help session. Went to the theatre. Watched some bands play, watched over the space. Realized that I really didn't have the time to watch, so I retreated to elsewhere in the building. Wandered in and out of the concert. At around 12:30, this thing was supposed to be over. It wasn't. I was reading.

Next thing I knew, I was waking up. In the lighting booth. And the building was strangely quiet for some place that was supposed to have a concert going on. I wander out, and down the hall, and find that the thing's over.

I stay and clean up. Why? I don't know. I guess it's just a matter of doign things right. Not going to leave the lights all over the place, not going to leave the cables uncoiled. That's just not the right thing to do.

Oh, right. It's 1:30am now.

I walk home in a very surreal world. Probably because I had just woken up after a half hour nap. But the world seemed strangely dead. And cold. The room had been smokey, which would account for all my clothes smelling like shit now, but when I went outside, it seemed like it carried. As if the world was smokey. And heavy. And looming.

Time for me to go to sleep if I want to make it through the rest of the week.

friday, november 21, 1997, 01:49

Time just goes by so quickly sometimes. And then sometimes it stays perfectly still. Strange. I didn't get to sleep last night. I've got to learn to start writing papers earlier. But that's my own damn fault. But the hours going by just dragged. That was good, because i needed the time to write the paper.

On the other hand, this week has just flown by. Which is bad. Because now that the week is over, that means that i'm that much closer to all my deadlines.

I thought that I had my life planned. I thought that it was going to be okay. I was going to work on Falsettos, I was going to have plenty of time to do my cs project. Boy I'm a dumbass. Everything gets piled up on each other and i'm stuck worrying whether i'm going to survive this week, let alone pass all my classes.

Best laid plans and all that shit.

I really should just stop trying to plan my life, since it always ends up wrong. And broken. And gets me in trouble.

Time to get some of that sleep stuff that i so desperately need. jcn

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