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For the week of april 20, 1997
Keeping this short. Getting up tomorrow to do some theatre work. Early. 9am-ish. one of those things that I know if i don't get up early, then i won't get up at all. I also know that my roommate is getting up then, so he can make sure i'm there.
As for tonight. More and more fun. Hear a loud booming noise in the sky. Looked out the window and saw fireworks over the library. So I donned my coat, put on my boots, and started walking towards them. Just stopped on the street to watch them. Beautiful. Why are people so fascinated with fireworks? Is it the size? The noise? The patterns, the color? The fire? Everyone loves fireworks.
Then. tried to do math again, failing miserably. Ended up going out. To sarah's again. Watched Dark Crystal and Babe. Dark Crystal was the foundation for one of my earliest known complexes. Kira, the girl gelfling unfolds her wings at one point, much to the surprise of Jem, who exaclaims "I don't have wings." The obvious answer is "Of course. You're a boy."
I remember this disturbing me to know end as a kid. Damn, being a boy sucks. You can't grow wings. Girls are so much cooler. But to counteract social norms, I think that this works very well. Gender issues in Dark Crystal, while apparent, weren't really that big of a deal. there is obviously a difference between boys and girls. The only difference, it would seem, though, is that girls have wings. Other than that, when you get down to it, the gelflings kick ass.
Damn it all, i still want to grow wings.
dizzy. can't think. world spinning. stomach hurts.
Still having trouble with that whole "expressing myself" thing, when dealing with other people.
Ah yes, today, final day of spring weekend. Lot's of drunken people all around. "Welcome to state school" said one of my friends. Or something. Everyone gathered on the frat quad watching some guy do covers of all the songs you know and love.
He was pretty damn bad.
But it was so nice to go outside. Sunny for the first time in a while. Warm. Smell of barbeque and beer in the air. Funnels galore. And people having fun. The most people having the most fun that I've seen in a long time. Granted, when the music stopped, it turned into a whole lot of big, drunken football players throwing beds and each other around the green, but while the music was going, uniting, everything was cool.
Shirtless athletes pouring beer on each other.
The barechested guy with the plaid shirt, the chain and the shades, trying to look cool. And failing.
The people I hadn't seen for a year, dancing on the green.
Me, standing off to the side, watching the people go by. Talking to some friends. Talking to a friend.
The cops, walking around. Amongst all this underage drinking, powerless to stop it.
I don't like crowds. I don't like loud music. I don't like drunk people. And it was one of the happiest days of my time here at school. Reminded me, once again what school would be, in my ideal world.
Of course, to ground myself in reality, I'm still emotionally pretty messed up, i've got too much work that i've been putting off for way too long, and i can hardly stand up straight right now.
The room is spinning. I'd better fall into bed while i can still make it there.
tuesday, april 22, 1997, 14:09
Woke up this morning not knowing that i had even gone to sleep. Even worse off, I thought that it was 11 am. So i got up, went to the computer, checked my idle time to see how long I'd been asleep, and then got up to get changed. Sat back down at the computer to do some work and noticed that my alarm clock hadn't gone off and that the sun was a bit too low in the sky. Checked the clock again and saw that it was really 9 in the morning.
Damn that was trippy.
My mother's a bit disturbed by these little bits of amnesia that I'm getting. I'm not to pleased with them myself, but I figure it'll probably clear itself up in time.
It's a beautiful day out today. And i'm relatively happy, strangely enough. went to lunch, walking out saw a student ID on the floor. Picked it up, and was accosted by a woman who wanted me to fill out a survey. Damn those psych majors are a tricky bunch. heh.
Maybe i'll go outside and enjoy the outdoors a bit more.
15:39
And just now my roommate told me that the same exact thing happened to him this morning. Waking up (i saw him roll over in his sleep), he looked at the clock and saw that it was 11 am as well.
It was really 9.
I think there was some sort of strange cosmic force in our room this morning, which changed all of the clocks for one, brief, moment...
thursday, april 24, 1997, 04:12
Real tired am i right now.
So, been working in the bar here on campus installing a new lighting system. ah, just like the good old days (okay, fine, last summer), making cable, hanging lights. Good stuff. (semi)permanent installations are fun, especially in strange places. Heh, I've been there more in the last few days that i have in my past two years here. Says something, don't it?
Sleeping patterns have also been messed up a bit. Can't really figure this one out either. I fell asleep last night around 3:30 or so in the morning. Should have been working on my math take-home midterm.
Which is another story in itself. meaning to help us redeem ourselves after an overall poor performance on the last test, we got a makeup midterm. The problem. I didn't know it on the test. I'm not allowed to talk to anyone about it. Therefore, I'm still not going to know anything about the material when I take it again the second time. Argh.
As for the sleep. Woke up this morning, on my own, at 7. That was a bit weird. I needed to finish the midterm, that much i knew, but I can't normally wake myself up to do anything. And here I am, doing it on my own. This did however cause for some more weirdness in my day.
Went to classes. Got on the payroll for the bar so i can actually get paid for the time i'm putting into this project (getting paid to do something i enjoy? crazy-ass shit). Hung out with Sarah a bit. Came home, and collapsed on my beanbag. To sleep through dinner.
And most of the rest of the night.
Worked on my final project for my software engineering course. Then went to get food. Went back to Sarah's to look through the course guide to see what i want to take next year. Been hanging out there an awful lot lately. Nice to have somewhere to go, someone to just be with, even if I'm doing my work, to have someone else in the room.
Yesterday evening, for example. Was sitting on her bed, doing my math, and I think I fell asleep. Can't really be sure, but the next think I knew, I was waking up, and she was sitting next to me, telling me to open my eyes. That was kind of weird, and kind of nice.
Ah, to have people in your life. It's a wonderful thing.
Even better than that though, is sleep. Though my bed is covered in papers and whatnot. Thank goodness for the beanbag. hehehe.
saturday, april 26, 1997, 11:27
What is it with me these days? I've not been writing, and i find that i really miss it. I really miss being able to record what I've done. I miss being able to reflect upon what I've been doing. The problem is that I really don't have much to talk about these days.
My cs course has become the primary focus in my life. Not really sure if i like this, but it's happened. I'd been slacking up to this point, and now all hell is breaking loose. Start early. Start now. Well, better late than never I suppose. But still.
I don't know. I feel really lazy. One of my friends told me that she's now in a special program at school involving a BS and a Masters in four years. And here I am, trying to get out of doing as much work as I can. I really don't like work, and I'm worried about how i'm going to fare in the "real world (tm)" when i finally have to face it.
I've always wanted to find a job, a career that I'll really enjoy when I get out there, something that will hold my interest, something that I won't mind doing. Something that I'll actually look forward to doing. But instead I'm stuck worrying about it. I can't seem to find anything that really holds my interest long enough to become a possible career. The theatre thing is always there, but I don't know how possible it is to make a living there. I also don't know if there's anything comparable to what I've been doing these days out in the real world. This life, here at school, is so sheltered, so different.
That's it. Stop dwelling. Going to go back to my code. Gotta get my ass in gear.
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