a winter wonderland
december 24, 1996


The Life of Jesus Christ. Among other things. That's about that only thing that's letting me know that it's christmas this year. I was watching tv last night (what else is new) and there was this kid who was really upset about christmas. "Happy Sunday" he kept on telling everone, because "that's all it is. it's just sunday."

That's almost what i'm feelign this year. I'm sitting here. The computer isn't mine. The radio stations have all changed. My sister's favorite alterno-rock station has now gone country. "Lite" radio is now the "Buzz." And I don't seem to be connecting with the friends that i once had here. And I can't type. But that's irrelevant.

So, the only thing that makes this christmas at home is the fact that it's cold and i'm not at school. At school with the people that have become my life these days.

... and now there's some weird Grease (the musical) mega-mix playing on the radio now. I think my brain's going to explode.

But really. I like seeing my parent's, really. And I know that this is really just another "I'm growing up and changing and not really dealing too well" type of rant. But regardless, it seems to be what i'm feeling right now. I say "seem" because i really don't know what i'm feeling. I tell myself that i want to go back to school, until I realize that there's no one there now anyway. Is that what I really want? Probably not.

hrmmm... that was hardly a mega-mix...

I look up at the moon and find comfort that it's the same moon that my friends are seeing, if a few hours, or time zones away. What does it all mean? I though that life was all about making new friends while keeping the old ones. Moving ahead while remember where you've come from. But all i want to do right now is live in the present. And have fun. And not worry about life. Or what's to come. Or what's happened already. Is this what growing up is all about?

christmas is tomorrow. nobody even told me.

jcn@brown.edu


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