Nobody looks up.I'm sitting on a fire escape, reading a book. The cool bricks against my back, the metal grating against my feet. I look down. Classes have just let out. People start trickling through the gate, down the path, up the path, beneath the trees. Beneath me. Nobody looks up. Nobody cares.
They walk with such determination, all of them. I don't know where they're going, and yet each one has some sort of impact on my life. What kind? I can't say for certain. I don't know whether any of these people realize that there's someone up above, looking down on them.
That one looks tired.
That one walks pigeon-toed.
They make a nice couple.
He looks lonely.
Each of them, in their own way, in their own little world. And where does that leave me? I'm sitting here pondering the number of people in the world. For every person that walks by, there are a million others. Each leading his or her own life. I can't even imagine that many people. I am in contact with so few as it is. Really makes you wonder about your own existence. Or the importance of it. There are that many people. Does one more or one less really make a difference?
I look down again. Someone actually looks up. She sees me. No. Wait. Never mind. She was just looking up at the tree. There's a bird singing up there. I wonder. What if she had actually looked up and seen me by accident. What would that do to her. To me? Anything. Would my life be any different. Would I have been able to look, 5 years from now, at that event, and see that it had changed my life?
So many opportunities for change. So many paths we can take. I can sleep now. I can sleep later. I can study now. I can study later. I can forget the whole thing and go for a walk. Go to dinner. Go to a show. Go out on the fire escape.
If I had done any one of those things differently, what would my life be like now? And different? I'll never know, I suppose.
That's my problem. I plan out every event to its full extent. I wonder about every action I take and its outcome in the future. If I do this today, what will my life be like tomorrow? Next week? Next year? When I die? Would I have been happier havind not done this?
I get up. I shut my book. It's getting too noisy. I go inside. I close the window.
On the ground below someone looks up.
[ last thought | back to thoughts | next thought ]