It's like running against a wall.For me, it's math. (mmm, a rant about my own inadequecies. fun fun fun) Of course it's a wall that i've been building all of my life. It used to be that the wall wansn't very high, and that come time to really push myself, I could get up over the wall, and do whatever i've had to do. Lately, thought, it seems that I've built this wall up so high and so strong, that there's really no way to push through it.
I've always been pretty lousy at math. Something about numbers really not clicking. But now, especially, it's worse. If I can't do a problem on homeworks, I skip it. Whatever. Homeworks count so little anyway.
My friend told me that all that's really important is to pass the tests. Easier said than done for me, mind you. I've told myself for so long that there's no way I can do this that it's virtually impossible for me to sit down and learn it and do it.
Now it's integrals and all that fun stuff. Should be pretty easy. As a matter of fact, when I look at it all, math should be pretty easy. Just plugging numbers into the same machine over and over again, getting different numbers out the same way, every time. It should be that easy, and yet I've made it to be one of the hardest things in the world.
Can't remember the formulas. Can't remember when to use what.
Can't? I don't think so. Won't more likely. More likely I want to convince myself that I'm right, that I really don't know what I'm doing, and that I'll never know.
I hate the feeling of failure. And yet I've become so used to it.
A resolution to break down this wall is in order. How to do it is the first step. We'll see what happens.
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