Of all the people I know, or have known, I don't think many, if any of them really know who I am. I mean they know me, and they know things about me, but when you get down to how I feel in situations, how i react to things, or other specifics about the person that really is me, I don't think that anyone has a grasp of that.Of course the people in my life aren't at fault. After all, I hardly know who I really am, or what I'm feeling at any given time. And even if i do know, I'm normally too shy to express myself. And if i come up with enough courage to actually allow words to come flying out of my mouth at other people, those words are normally so mangled and garbled the said persons generally have no idea what's going on anyway.
The first step in all of this, of course is the actual getting it out of my head step, and i just don't seem to be very good at that. I generally don't like confrontation and have always had a (founded or not) fear of rejection (doesn't everyone), and hence am generally afraid to let anyone in on what I have to say or think.
To top it all off, I find that I like to spend time with myself. These days that I've been spending in the theatre, I like to spend by myself. I can listen to music, listen to myself think, get caught up in whatever it is that I'm doing, and not have to deal with other people getting in the way.
Guess that wouldn't make me a team player, eh?
Strangely enough though, I do feel that I enjoy working with people, but more on a work level than a personal level. I'm working on getting better at teaching (which i really enjoy but am not particularly skilled at), and doing that other interactive people stuff.
But when it gets down to letting people inside of my world, these pages seem to be the furthest that anyone's gotten.
Feel special.
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