another kind of me

saturday, december 26, 1998, 01:39 still listening to: Ashley MacIsaac :: Hi How Are You Today? there are a lot of people to whom i should be speaking right now. about work, about getting together. people from school who want to go ice skating and hang out in the city and sit in coffee shops and all that stuff. people who are now more a part of my life than this house in which i am currently sitting. and yet. and yet i want nothing to do with that life right now. i want nothing to do with the responsibilities that i have over there. i want nothing to do with hanging out and friends and talking with people who i see all the time. instead. instead i want to relive high school. i want to rekindle friendships that have died and i want to start friendships which would have flourished had i not spent my entire high school career in a world consisting of the theatre and my computer. i'm not satisfied with my life right now, and it took going to see you've got mail and watching party of five and good morning vietnam to realize this. wow. that's unfortunate. but what am i doing with my life anyway? i'm reading don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff right now. and i'm realizing that i really have to simplify my life if i want to get happy. i'm looking at my future, and next semester, and realize that if i want to remember my college years as a happy time, then i'd damn well be sure that it ends on a good note. and what does that mean? it means finishing all of my pending projects and quitting all my jobs. it means cutting the fat from my life and focusing on what i love. it means not being scared of what might happen with my life and just getting on with it. it means spending more time with my roommates and my friends who i might never see again come june. it means being. and living. and not putting up with the shit of the world. or, if i'm going to be forced to put up with the shit of the world, at least putting up with it in such a way that it amuses more than it worries. and i think i want to write a book. but now we're just talking crazy talk. up one | mail | mon | tue | wed | fri