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friday, december 25, 1998, 02:10 currently listening to: Ashley MacIsaac :: Hi How Are You Today? merry christmas. it's actually feeling more christmasy these days. i remember sitting here last year, must have been a different computer, but i recall complaining about the keyboard. and i recall it not feeling much like christmas. i think that i'm realizing now this time of year still feels like christmas, it's just that christmas feels different these days. different in that i really am just visiting. that my family consists of people who i see for maybe two or three days out of the year. different in that i don't trim the tree any more. and different in that i'm learning to be okay with this. different, most of all, in the realization that in a couple of years, or as soon as next christmas, i'll probably have my own apartment, and i'll be putting up my own christmas decorations. it's interesting. that even though i've got an apartment now, it's still not mine. i'm still in this year-to-year transition phase and it won't be until i actually move somewhere next year, move anywhere next year, that i'll be finally able to settle. of course that on its own is pretty creepy on its own. four months left of school. and yesterday evening, as the snow started to fall for the first time this winter, i turned to the computer, thought for a moment, shut it off, and watched the snowflakes drift down to the ground as i drifted off to sleep. and i finally wrote something new. certainly took long enough. so let me tell you about this shirt that i got for christmas from my cousins. i can't get over this shirt, not because it's a pretty nice shirt, and is the first non t-shirt that i've owned in a long time. no, this funny thing about this shirt is that it's your typical button-down shirt, except that it has no buttons. nor does it pretend to have any buttons. instead, it's got velcro down the front and holding together the sleeves. it looks nifty, but besides that, it's just really weird. i think i left my brain at rockefeller center under that big tree today. when we went into the city today, we stopped off at the shops that were set up in grand central station, and while most of the people were just selling polar fleece and jewelry, with the occassional really ugly picture frame, there was this one guy there selling these little blank books made from hand made paper. and as i was talking to him, i found that he doesn't sell any of wares in stores, and that he just bounces around to different markets and sells things. and i wish that i could have hooked him up with a web page. that was the only thing i could think of at the time. boy, i thought to myself, wouldn't it be cool to get that kind of exposure for this guy. and then i thought some more and wondered whether or not it would work. for with paper, you really need to touch the paper, you have to be able to feel the paper to figure out whether you want to buy the book. but still. and this all brings me back to web design. (but doesn't everything?) i don't want to be doing big sites for big companies. i want to be doing sites for individuals, for artists, for musicians. i want to use the web as a way of distributing information, for spreading the word about art and other things like that. i want to be working on things which are going to touch people directly. and i want to be proud of the projects that i'm working on. bleah. idealism never paid the bills before, why should it start now...
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