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saturday, november 14, 1998, 06:53 it's now really much later than i should be going to sleep after not having been up all night on this, a friday evening on a college campus in the United states of America in the last decade of the twentieth century. and the cable modem is really being flaky tonight. and we pay them to get this service? this is crap. anyway. spent the better part of the night in the theatre. on a ladder. hanging a television ten feet in the air. not my television. i don't know that i'd trust my tv to my rigging. but it's up tehre. and i should go back today (later, in a couple of hours after i sleep) to fix it some more. but it's working for now. i was supposed to have time to myself tonight. i'm not exactly sure what happened, but somewhere between dinner and the lab and some perl scripts and the theatre it got to be 5am and i ended up at home with really nothing to do but respond to email. but that always takes forever. and i kept up an email conversation until, well, now. and now i think it's time for me to sleep, since i've bene up forever. but i really can't sleep right now. or at least, i don't think i can. because there are too many thoughts running through my head. the worst one right now is the fact that i can't see sunrises from my room any more. i realized this once before, but it's really true. just a lightening of the world, and then a brightness. no pretty sky. no glowing ball of fire reaching up over the buildings to greet the world. but blammo. here's the light. enjoy it. but it looks like it's going to be a nice day. sunny, though there are some darkish clouds hanging ominously in the sky. perhaps left over from the friday the thirteenth just past. but no dark clouds loom over my head. things are relatively okay. aslong as i can get off my butt and actually make some decisions about life and money. money? i want to buy a computer but just can't pick up the phone to make the call. just can't. it's like that time at the renaissance fair when i was a kid and i really wanted this wooden sword. or didn't i want it? or did i? or didn't i? and i couldn't decide. and it took me forever to decide. did i ever decide? i don't remember. but i got the sword. of course the great thing about my family was that i got the sword, but then using that one as a template we made two other swords out of plywood. and i used those for fighting. because i didn't want to mar the bought one. anal even then. the life one? well there's this girl. and everyime i see her, i smile, and she smiles back. which means she either thinks i'm absolutely insane or silly, or else that she wants to be nice to me because she might be thinking, like me, that it'd be nice to meet this person who keeps smiling at her. err, me. right. but i have no idea who she is. and i'm thinking that the next time i see her i should just tell her that we always see each other and we smile, but we don't actually know who each other is. or rather that i don't know who she is. and then i should introduce myself. yeah. like that's ever going to happen. and that's something in my life that i have to fix. soon.
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