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friday, november 13, 1998, 03:52 i need a massage. actually, what i really need is someone to rub my feet, but considering the only others who are awake in this place right now are the cats, i think i'm pretty much shit out of luck. i guess it's not that big of a thing, but i've been moving for the better part of the day and i'm just tired. and i realize that i've completely overbooked myself for the rest of my life (read: month) and i really just want someone to... something. i guess i really just want someone to know what i want at a given moment and give it to me without my having to ask for it.
"jesse, what can i do to help?" and while i guess it's always better since i'd probably just end up being a bitch if somethind was done wrong, it's a real pain in the butt to end up being in charge of things just because i "know what's going on" when really i don't. i was thinking about this today. maybe it's not that i don't have any self confidence. maybe it's just that i don't have any confidence in my confidence. so i do have confidence, so people trust that i know what i'm doing, but then i end up second guessing myself. i think it's late and i'm thinking too hard. someone make the pain go away.
| tue |