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friday, october 23, 1998, 02:59 really, at this point, all i want is to be able to come home and not have to be cleaning up piles of cat shit. really. that's all i want. i foolishly believed that i was done with the theatre for a while. i was under the mistaken impression that "someone else" would deal with the board produced festival thing that's going up tomorrow night when, in reality, everyone else is too "busy" and so it ends up that i'm back there with a small, dedicated staff of two, myself included, working on this show and trying to get it up and running and going and all that. and i thought that i would be able to go home after the show, but of course not, since i soon realized that common knowledge is not a pre-requistite for getting into college these days. simple rules like "sweep the floor before painting it" were completely ignored. not even to occupy a passing thought. but i was very proud of myself. when enough people showed up to finish the work that even if they were all completely useless, their combined knowledge would have to get the job done, i left. the most bothersome thing these days is finding that i've built up such a wall around myself that when people ask me a question they're always expecting a sarcastic response. when i respond in an honest and frank manner, it is read as sarcastic and condecending. and even if i put on my most understanding nice-voice, it's still read that way. and i've found that if i'm not there, they can't get mad at me. and i'm finally going to lay down and sleep. and not have to worry about things. until i wake up.
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