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thursday, june 4, 1998, 01:34 my apartment is, as of yet, still in a state of shambles, and so, as it stands, are my thoughts. i can't seem to keep one thing in my head long enough to play with it. not to mention that not having a job is frustrating, and the only highlight of everything right now is that it was a half-price day for students at the salvation army today, which meant that i got this great lamp for $3. what's bothering me right now? is it that i was expecting more fun up here? not really connecting with my friends right now, or myabe that's just in my head. i guess it's a comparrison. that's what it always comes down to. old any new. well, really, not so new any more. but it's all about how people interact with each other. back in high school, how mike and russel and i were. together. is quite different that then way danny and castelle and sarah and everyone else around here are. together. both groups. together. each quite different. and i really can't put a finger on it. seems like here, things are much more confrontational. or something. maybe it's that there's so much more of a difference between one-on-one dynamics and group dynamics. or maybe that back at home, there really was no group dynamic, that the individual relationships were exactly the same as the group ones. expectations maybe higher than they should have been. though really, when are they not? i have a feeling that things are going to be just fine. it's just sitting here now, in a cold, dark apartment, knowing that i'm going to be walking into a room that isn't quite mine yet that i start to think just a little too much. maybe it's just in my head. or maybe not. maybe i should give myself a little credit here and there. heh.
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