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thursday, february 12, 1998, 05:13 I wrote it last night, but I forgot to update the main page. How silly of me. I've been falling asleep much too much these days. Sitting on the couch, reading, when the overpowering urge to sleep overtakes me and, instead of getting up and going to sleep, I'll decide that where I am at the moment is a much better place to sleep, and I'll just doze right there. Which causes problems later on when I want to get up. I then realize that I've been sleeping, and can't decide how much sleep I need to get for the rest of the night. Mess my shit up. My life has been so lacking in any sort of feeling or emotion lately that I really have nothing to talk about. This weekend is the long weekend. It also happens to be valentine's day somewhere in there. And I keep telling myself that i'm looking forward to this weekend because I really need a vacation and this will be the perfect vacation for me, a full 4 days without classes, but then I realize that those four days are just going to mean that I'm going to sit some more and think about all the work that I have to do without actually doing any of it as the days tick by and realize, by the last day of this break, that I'm at exactly the same spot as when I started the break. That, coupled with the fact that I will in fact feel compelled to do something fun and exciting this weekend seeing as it is indeed valentine's day weekend and that I should be out having fun because after all, it's been a rule ever since high school or so that on valentine's day you either have to be happily skipping around singing to yourself because you really like the color red, or you have to be dressed all in black, moping around in the most visible manner you can think of so that everyone knows that you are perfectly comfortable in the fact that you are not happy with this oh so joyous of days and that you are in fact making a statement against those little candy hearts, red balloons and little pieces of paper signed "your secret admirer" whatever that statement happens to be. I think I'll worry about it when it comes along. The hands are starting to cramp up again.
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