another kind of me

saturday, january 17, 1998, 02:30 A strange little trip I'm taking here. Twenty-four hours back home, which kinda breaks up that moving back into my school life thing. But I suppose it's okay. I get to set up the new computer for the family, and discover the wonder that is Internet Explorer 4.0. Let's just say that I had to call tech support because I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. But everything's cleared up now, and I don't think anything is going to explode. After all, I got rid of IE from the desktop and installed Netscape. It frightens me how little emotion I feel. I felt like I was supposed to be feel sad, and yet, I didn't. I felt almost nothing, and it wasn't a distraction so I wouldn't start thinking about it and then feel sad. No, I genuinely didn't feel sad. Aren't you supposed to feel sad when you think that your dog has disappeared? Well I didn't. And maybe it was just because I was so sure that she was going to come back. But more and more it seems that there's just no emotion to be had in my body. I don't feel happy about much, I don't feel sad about much. As long as I can keep in the middle somewhere of that emotional spectrum, then there's nothing that can get to me, and I stay in control. That must be it, come to think about it. It must be a control thing. I just can't deal with losing control. (and as anyone who's ever seen me flip will attest to, it's not a pretty sight) Perhaps there's a balance somwhere in there between control and, well, general emotion. Maybe i'll even find it. up one | mail | sun | mon | tue | thu | fri