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the old stuff
For the week of january 26, 1997
A week starts again. I hope that whatever job i get in the future will allow me as much procrastination time as school does. Not that I really have this time, but i like to fool myself into thinking so.
And that plan I had last week about not really caring about that whole "school" thing and instead just focusing on the learning just doesn't seem to be working. I keep falling asleep in one of my courses, which leads me to believe that I don't enjoy it very much and that I'm not going to get a lot out of it as opposed to all of my other courses which i am surprisingly enjoying this semester.
Of course I am still all for that whole learning thing thing. I just think that there are many more things that I want to spend my time on.
It was a noble effort...
budget talks all over the place. projects to do. school. shows. gak. don't know if i can take this. i'm sure i can. it's a lot of work, but boy is it fun.
just found out that i may have a job opportunity this summer. must get cracking on that cover letter thing. Now, i have to consider whether i want to take it or not. assuming i get it. but it's not paid at all. I have to weigh the advantages. It's really cool, but an internship. If I can get a paid job which offers the same benefits, i'll be golden. They're all big ifs though.
The world wide web. Voice of an angsty generation. What exactly can be accomplished on the web? Why do i do this? Voices out in this void. I'll never see you (well, most of you). Do you know me? Do i know me? I'm three little initials. And some thoughts. Do these thoughts make up me? All these questions, and no answers.
I put my life on these pages in hopes that someone will come along and see them. Read them. Understand them. Know them. Have felt them before. We are all the same.
I really must learn not to type while i'm so tired.
I really want to be able to see myself. This is my one goal in life. Not in any deep philisophical inner-workings of my soul thing. No, I want to be able to look at me the way other people look at me. I want to be able to step outside my body and take a look at the person who's sitting where i am. Not a picture. Not looking in a mirror. I want the image of me to be of me, but not seen through my own eyes. Too much to ask? I can always try.
My quest is over. Not in a good way. Well, not necessarily bad either. No more actively pursuing a significant other. not going to worry about it, not going to dwell. And i think that I'm going to be a lot happier for it.
That's not to say that i've completely given up. And if someone comes along, well then of course i'm going to go for it. But have it be a part of my life? I'm indecisive enough as it is. Either I can't figure out who to go out with, or if i want to at all. We'll just let things go at that and see if anyone comes along.
My roommate says this isn't going to last. He might be right.
nothing. okay, well i got a lot done, but i realize that i am one of the world's great procrastinators. Finished my application for this theatre conference thinger. Going to get me a job, or something. Do i really want a job in theatre? Do i really want to keep doing this for the rest of my life? I recently saw the page of a person who seems to have the life i want to have. Or at least that i think i might want to have. Who knows though? I love what i'm doing now. But can a person really make a living or web pages and theatre electrics? I suppose we'll see in a few years.
hands hurt. no typing. typing bad.
went to see Star Wars tonight. opening night, baby. Kicked much ass. not going to ruin it for anyone. it's well worth it. it was brought up among my friends that we're really the last people who have seen it, lived with it, grown with it. There is a whole generation of kids now who have never had Star Wars be a part of their lives. Who are seeing it for the first time this second time around. Makes me feel old. Not that I saw it in the theatre the first time. But I had the action figures (handed down from a cousin, but whatever), I remember Empire coming out (or was that Jedi). Just interesting. Time goes on. So do we.
I want to live forever. Basically for selfish purposes, but I want to see what the future is going to hold. I figure that i'll probably live for a little under one century. thats a long time. the unites states of america has only been around for twice that. But when will life be like Blade Runner or Twelve Monkeys or THX1138 or Brave New World 1984 (ironic, no?) or any of the other visions of our future. Will any of them come true? Something's going to happen. I want to see what it is.
Of course do I really want to live with Big Brother watching over me? (though it may be argued that he already is)
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