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sunday, january 12, 1997 01:00

There's something I really love about the night. Oh sure, it's scary to be sitting all alone in a darkened theatre, hearing nothing but the ghosts walking around upstairs, knowing that, no, nothing's going to happen but thinking that around every corner there's the possibility of a psycho just hanging out ready to smack the heck out of you, or worse.

But I like to ignore all of that and just focus on the night itself. Most of the rest of the world (at least around these parts) is asleep. No construction or traffic to bother me. Just me to be free to do as a I want.

And then there's the fact that I feel that I get a lot more out of the day if I'm up really late. My mother tells me that I used to be afraid to go to sleep. I'm still scared of the dark, but if I'm up at night, and nothing gets me, then i've won for one more night. Perhaps I'm being a bit too melodramatic.

monday, january 13, 1997 01:30

Garfield never liked monday the 13th, but I, naive as I am, am rushing into this day blindly, not worrying about what it's going to bring, but living for the moment. Or something along the same lines. At least that's what I'd like myself to think.

The day was pretty boring considering I woke up at noonish and watched tv all day. Did some shopping for my mom with my sister, dug stuff out of the garage. And realized, for the first time since I've been in college, that I really do miss this place. Don't know whether it's the fact that when I'm here I'm not at school, and not at school means not doing classes stuff.

But I really think that it's more than that. The I really do like it here, that the first 18 years of my life were here, and that's never going to change. The people here are also wonderful. I don't actively miss my family at school, but they are part of me. It was my mother, through all of her nagging in high school who insisted that I learn to drive. She made it perfectly clear that I was going off to college and that was it. I was on my own. I can back this break and she wanted me to start cleaning my room since "I'm not coming back." Of course I'll be welcome here, but honestly, this is really it.

My life has been so easy here. I've been told that I should live life for the day, not worry about the future. That everything has a way of working itself out in the end. But I really don't see what I could possibly be doing in the next few years. Get out of college, then what? Three down, Five to go.

tuesday, january 14, 1997 00:45

Going back to school all that it entails. In less than twelve hours I'll be back to my real life. Makes the rest of this seem like some sort of pretend life. It doesn't really count, it's just a resting time (and boy do i need that rest), a commercial break.

Regardless, whatever's going to happen is going to happen. I think I'll just sit back and enjoy the scenery while I still have a chance.

wednesday, january 14, 1997 19:52

Back at school, and working harder than I have in a while. Harder, in fact than I have all vacation. Oh, don't get me wrong. I needed the break. I mean I really needed the break. But there really wasn't much to do other than work on my web page and watch a whole lot of tv. And let me just tell you that daytime television is about as low as I've gone in a long time.

But now that I'm back I have a purpose. General maintenance on a theatre may not seem like much fun, but for some reason i'm really enjoying it. Finding it very theraputic. Sweeping. A menial task, perhaps. But one that provides instant gratification. Which is what I need right now. School just doesn't provide that for me. Of course I've been doing other things right now. More interesting. And if I have a project that I'm really interested in, I can spend hours on it and not get frustrated.

It's the hours at a time that can get to me these days, especially with the work that I'm doing. All alone in a theatre, on the other side of campus from my friends can get lonely. But when I'm working, and I have the radio playing, I tend to forget about that whole loneliness factor.

Enough of this silliness. It's time for me to spend time with people.

thursday, january 16, 1997 15:00ish

Started out as a pretty crappy day, but has gotten progressively better. Raining, cold, blah. But I had a few meetings, getting back into the swing of my life. Finally it stopped raining, and I just looked outside and the sun's out and that sky, while still containing some clouds, is actually blue. What's up with that? Think I'll go enjoy some of that.

friday, january 17, 1997 11:00

I'm having a hard time getting myself going now that i'm back in my room again, so i've decided to do a little work here, procrastinating. Ah, there we go, a use for the web which nobody can deny.

So i've always kept my real self and my online self separate. Or i've tried to at least. not in these pages, of course, but in chats and whatnot. Just never really felt the need for people to have to know who i am. How this place is so wonderful in that people can get judged just by their words and nothing more. But slowly, i've realized that there's no reason to not let people know who i am in real life. Granted, nobody really cares, but there's really no need to keep these two personalities separate since, when you get down to it, there's really no difference.

On these pages i've just had more of a chance to work and rework what I want to say instead of having it shuttled out for everyone to see immediately after pressing a key. Besides, it's nice for people i talk to to get more a feel for who i am by looking at these pages.

Well, that's enough to think about for now.

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