check out
the old stuff
For the week of february 23, 1997
monday, february 24, 1997 03:47 No regrets.I figure if i tell myself this enough, and if i tell enough people, then I'll feel that i have to hold myself to it. After all, it is almost four in the morning and i have a class at nine. Blah. But I had a fun night. Partially productive, but mostly fun. I haven't actually had real fun in a long time, so even if this evening comes back to bite me in the ass later on (in the form of impending deadlines and whatnot), I'll have no regrets.
Other than that, I've been spending tons tonds of time in the theatre. And enjoying every minute. My only concern with my decision to choose theatre as a career is the fact that I'm sure "real life theatre" isn't at all like the theatre that I'm doing now. As a designer I'd have to have much more concrete ideas than i have now. I would give an electrician a plot and have them hang and focus it. As an electrician i wouldn't have the artistic opportunities of a designer. What to do what to do...
Oh, right. And the time that I'm not spending in the theatre is (or should be) spent in the lab. Of course considering I'm always in the theatre, it follows that I spend not time at all in the lab. This is a bad thing as I have a program due later this week. Something's going to have to give. Let's take bets on what goes first.
I suppose it's time to do some philosophy.
tuesday, february 25, 1997 00:49 Should it disturb me that most of the people who read through these pages know me in real life? What if I start talking about my life here? What if they recognize experiences, events, whatnot? Will they be flattered? Angry? Confused? Just things to think about on little sleep and people walking up to you saying "hey, i read through your web page today!" Weird-ass stuff.
Life is way too complicated right now. No, wait. Let me rephrase that. Life isn't complicated at all. It's just busy, and I'm at the stage where I just have to look at my life, ask myself how it got so hectic, and realize that i can't get everything done in time, but have to.
See you all in a few, when everything settles down.
thursday, february 27, 1997 02:56 Okay, so I lucked out, in a way. Well, the bad news first. I failed a math test today. Yesterday. Whatever. It failed it, and i'm not too happy about it. But I made choices in my life, and apparently math didn't rank up there. This is going to change, partially because if i fail i have to take this silly class all over again, but also because i honestly think that i can do the work.
The good news, is that we got a bit of an extension on a cs project, which would explain why i'm relatively at peace right now. That will change starting tomorrow, but as for now, i'm doing pretty well.
Spent the evening coding... a web page. Heheh. A friend of mine from my dorm freshman year started a clothing company and asked me to do their web page. They haven't paid me, seeing as they have no money. This doesn't bother me too much, but of course this thing had to get done this week, along with everything else in my life. Of course.
And then there's the show, which has to get all done by this weekend. Oh damn. Okay, must start doing some serious work. The stress is starting already in anticipation of the coming weekend. I think I'll go to before I hurt myself.
friday, february 28, 1997 04:49 So the big question now is whether or not I'm going to be able to get up for my 9am class. That's going to be a toughie. Anyway, I just got a wake-up call from a friend of mine. I've found that coding is pretty bad for morale, especially when you don't think you're too good at it. I've also found that when you don't think you're too good at it, you lose complete confidence in youself. When that happens you start relying on other people too much. This is considered a bad thing. This is considered silly. At least for me. And I've been doing this lately.
It's basically because i can't devote enough time to any one project. I'm pretty sure i could do pretty well in math if that was all i was doing. MY cs programs would go so much better. My lighting plots would be done and hung on time. If if if I had enough time. But, alas, I'm doing them all at once. The solution? No sleep.
Can't sleep until about wednesday. Then I can sleep. Unless I crash hard until then.
Of course it might be argued that since I'm spending time here, writing, that i really can't complain about the work that i have to do. But the writing is for me. The writing, i've found, to be a suplement to my memories. Already, I look back at entries written two months ago, and they evoke images of home. I remember where I was, what i was doing. In short, this is my life. Down. Permanently (relatively), where I can see it.
And never forget it.
Writing this now on my own machine since my network connection went down. Perhaps telling me to go to sleep. I'm just afraid that if i go to sleep no, then next time i wake up it'll be too late to get any more work done and then i'll just be completely screwed. I suppose there's really nothing more I can do. I just realized how much I rely on the network. Excluding the remote work that I do in the lab, there's the online phonebook, and the wonders of finger. Since most of my friends are in fact, cs people, I can normally track them down using finger or some lab equivalent. Which is scary. Being in touch all the time. Like a pager. Like a big pager costing thousands of dollars. Of course I'm the strange one in my group of friends. Me. The cs/theatre person. Of course I suppose likewise it really isn't too hard to find me. I'm either in the lab or in the theatre. Whee. Anyway, the net's down for a reason. I'd better take advantage of that. Especially since my roommate won't let me go to the theatre now.
| home | thoughts | simplicity | mail | me |