another kind of me

Think of them as thoughtlets.

For the week of february 2, 1997

sunday, february 2, 1997

Whee. Groundhog Day. I'm going to die this week. This is what's known in my life as spreading myself too thin. And it's only the first month of classes.

There are times in my life when I wonder if everything good that i've done up to this point has just been luck. Of course if that's really the case, should I really care? I'm only worried because if it's all luck then one day the luck might just run out. Of course it could be thought that talent is nothing more than a stream of luck that just never runs out. It's just annoying to work on projects and realize that i really don't know what i'm doing, and that even worse, someone might figure out that i don't know what i'm doing.

I guess that's just one of the tradeoffs of life.

monday, february 3, 1997

Hrm. This is getting written on tuesday, and yet i feel compelled to write about yesterday. I have found that I want to keep this updated, to keep this going as long as i can and to not miss any (too many) days. I think that it will be interesting for me to take a look at this months, years down the road and see what i was feeling at the time. Watch the progression of my life in words.

Besides, i often forget things if i don't write them down.

My big problem as of now is that of spreading myself way too thin. I didn't think that it was a such a big problem until i realized once again that the computer science department here is under the impression that it's the only department, activity, lifestyle around. If one were to say, want to do theatre as well, then this individual must be made to suffer. I know plenty of cs/theatre people. Many of them still want to do theatre. None of them do. I have been told that my day will soon come, that i will give up theatre and sell my soul to the department.

Hrm, it's like the force.

Regardless, they might be right. After this next show, I'm done with big theatre for the semester. Just can't be done. Not with the courseload i'm taking now. Course load. Bah. It's one course. Whatever. We'll see who wins this one.

saturday, february 8, 1997, 00:49

Well, there was one other option that I forgot to consider. In the battle to see which of cs or theatre would win, there is the third option of neither. There has been no clear winner. On the other hand, i think i have singled out the clear loser. That would be me. I've been awfully sick lately, and i think it's this whole "work me 'till i die" thing.

I'm trying to maintain a balance between computer science and theatre, trying, or at least trying to figure out which one i like more. I can't tell. Maybe i'm on the wrong track all together. maybe i'm destined to be something else. I suppose that's the nice thing about destiny. whatever you do, you were going to do it anyway, and whatever happens, it was going to happen anyway.

wait a second. that's not at all comforting. damn.