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Wednesday July 24, 2002, 02:37

I will blame it on instinct. Well, I will blame it first on the weather, and then on instinct. If all else fails, I think that I might try to blame it on the media, but given my aversion to the media as of late (that is, other than the increasing frequency with which I have been watching daytime television talk shows such as Jenny Jones and Jerry Springer) I don't know whether I will be able to take that one far enough to be effective at all to my particular stance. Which is to say that today1, while leaving the Tube and heading home, I ended up walking behind a young woman around my height who was wearing a white, button down shirt with the top couple of buttons undone and thin brown trousers with just a hint of herringbone wrapped tightly around her upper thigh and butt and ending at the bottom in a pair of heels. I looked down at her, admired her from behind (her behin... oh never mind) and looked to my right where I saw a shoe salesman taking a cigarette break doing the same thing. I continued walking behind her and just as I was thinking that it was time for me to get off of that particularly busy stretch of street, I found my hand reaching out as if trying to grasp this woman's ass2.

With the other hand I quickly grabbed the first and seized it back into its proper place at my side, all the while cursing my misfortune at having been born male and thus removing any possibility for the maintenance of a libido with any semblance of restraint. With the rules of polite company and society on my conscience, I did manage to resist, but only long enough for me to divert myself from my current path and out of danger of causing severe damage to myself and my reputation. That is, it would not have been inappropriate for me to receive a smack in the face had I not removed myself from the situation.

This is behavior that must be expected when one lives in an environment when the sun only shines for a couple of hours every month, where the general populace is so confused when this occurs that they run about brashly and are left with burned faces and shoulders. Where the appearance of the sun prompts people to say "Now you see? Isn't the weather here wonderful? Sometimes? When it doesn't suck?" It is in this environment that I currently find myself living and it is the exception rather than the rule that I find myself wandering around a city with a disposition as sunny as the sky. So it is only natural that in those rare moments that the sun does shine, I find myself drunk with gleeful abandon of anything resembling my senses or decorum.

Or maybe she just had a really nice butt.



1. Actually, this was five days ago, when it was still nice out. As it happens, the weather is back to normal, the sky is grey, it almost rained on me (though I magically held the drops away by pure will) and I've had to wear my coat out to keep from catching the sniffles.

2. I think that, actually, nothing of the sort actually happened, but it happened enough for me to realize that it might have actually happened had I happened to be someone else. Which is to say that it was not outside the complete realm of possibility that someone in that same situation would have done just this, that is, reached a hand out to caress a woman's buttocks without apology, but that I, me, personally, was not going to be the type to do so.

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