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04/17/2006 01:40 :: the ideal weekend

With a couple of exceptions (notably the ones that kept me out until 4am, a time that has become more and more rare for me to see as I have been trying to shift my life earlier and earlier), this weekend was the epitome of what a weekend should be for me. The ideal weekend is something that is ...

03/13/2006 01:30 :: when i close my eyes

Dreams. I grind my teeth in the middle of the night, so much so that I once woke myself up with the scraping of enamel on enamel. It's not a high-pitched, nails-on-a-blackboard type of noise. It's just grinding, but it's a combination of the actual action of grinding with the noise that it ma...

03/12/2006 01:07 :: breakfast vs. brunch

As any New Yorker knows, brunch is a meal to be savored, to be taken in with friends, early if one wishes to avoid lines, later if one wishes to sleep in. In either event, brunch is an event, and one that can take hours, if one is so inclined. Breakfast, on the other hand, is a meal of utilit...

02/28/2006 10:23 :: to whom it may concern

To Whom It May Concern, I am writing regarding the difficulties I encountered while traveling from New York to Los Angeles on Thursday, February 16th, 2006. I was scheduled to fly from Newark to Chicago on flight 1061 at 9:56 am connecting through to Santa Ana, CA, but when I arrived at Newar...

02/13/2006 00:33 :: snowy snowy snow

I have consumed so much media in the past two days that I feel like my brain is going to pop. My apartment and life are both an incredible mess1 and I've been unable to empty a box that I had packed just before New Year's that was intended as a quick, one-day fix to get things off the ground a...

02/02/2006 03:24 :: i am a music retard

I often find myself in the fairly unenviable position of sitting with my friends trying to explain that I don't seem to have musical influences the way that other people do. That is to say, I'm fairly certain I didn't have the experience of having music shape my upbringing, having music tied t...

01/16/2006 03:17 :: barcamp nyc

The umbrellas did not fare too well against the elements last night. As I walked home from Barcamp, I passed 32 broken umbrellas. 13 of them I picked up and deposited in trash bins along the way, and the others were either in traffic or were too mangled to even pick up. There was also a pair o...

01/07/2006 00:42 MST :: what this year will bring

I have decided that I would like this year, 2006, to be a year of significance for me, though the way that this will manifest itself is as of yet unclear to me. Karen and I discussed something similar last night as we sat in the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport sharing an overcooked hamburger when...

01/01/2006 23:49 :: rules for a new year

Upon reflection of the fifth New Year's Eve party that we've thrown in this apartment, I would like to offer some thoughts that came to me as I began cleaning the apartment after the last party guest had retired for the evening. This year's festivities lasted far longer than any of the last on...

12/25/2005 02:07 :: how i'm getting rid of all my crap

I've recently discovered the joys of eBay. While I realized that this particular ship has already sailed, with mom and dad setting up mini micro enterprises selling everything but the kitchen sink (though a bit of searching can probably reveal at least one if not more than one kitchen sinks) a...

10/28/2005 00:52 :: too short days (and the comfort of the couch)

I've been told that when I was younger, in high school and earlier, I never liked to go to sleep. My mother would come into my room and I would be awake, first reading books (far below my reading level I might add - literary junk food) or, later, on my computer, reading and writing to friends ...

10/12/2005 09:07 :: excuse me, have you seen tomorrow?

Autumn has come, suddenly, and has brought with it cold, driving rain that makes it all too unpleasant to even be awake, let alone step outside. I am happiest on these days when I can wake up to the pitter patter of raindrops on my window sill, the ping of the wind blowing sheets of water past...

09/03/2005 00:29 PST :: california dreaming of somewhere else

The sprinklers1 are on outside. I can't remember the last time I heard sprinklers. We didn't have them growing up. The community where my grandmother lived had sprinklers, but she's been gone for many years now. I suppose I must have heard sprinklers at some point in the last several years, bu...

08/10/2005 01:19 :: goals? we don't need no stinkin...

One of my friends claims that Mercury is in retrograde, which I never did understand, but it seems like it has something to do with a planet going backwards, and it sounds bad. Whatever it is, I use it as a nice excuse for why everything in the world seems to be going wrong these days. Two wee...

08/01/2005 01:54 :: what do old habits do?

Oh Balls. I am a creature of such extreme habit that even the most innocuous break from the ordinary, say, stepping into the bathroom and turning on the water in the tub before taking off my pajamas, rather than after, will send my mind into a continuity tail spin. For example, I like gett...

05/28/2005 02:26 :: it's good to be back

The little bastard bit me so hard the other night that I woke up, arms outstretched, from my nap on the sofa. I had been sleeping, as I often do, after a long day of sitting at my computer, walking around the city, and eating. I'd been lying on my couch with the radio on, my face sitting in a ...

03/24/2005 22:39 :: on the road again

If I look straight ahead right now, past my laptop screen, past the lamp and the placard announcing "DataValet" service, I can see myself staring back at me. My eyes are a bit red and puffy, and I look like I need a shave. I've been living a life for as long as I can remember where today does not ...

01/24/2005 00:30 :: really saying nothing about the snow

We had a snowball fight in Central Park this afternoon. Early afternoon, and the turnout might have been a bit better if we decided to do it a bit later in the day, but the idea was to have it early enough so that the sun would still be floating high in the sky when we were all soaked to the b...

01/03/2005 00:30 :: reducing the clutter

In a attempt to exert increasing amounts of control over my environment and my life, I have recently taken the following steps to organize and otherwise arrange my apartment: 1. Replaced the toilet seat in the bathroom - For the past several years, every time I went to the bathroom I noticed ...

12/28/2004 01:19 :: on words, as is often the case

I don't read as much as I used to. I don't write as much as I used to either. On the point of the former, I was reminded about this the other day when I was looking for a present for my father. Turns out that he did not actually want any more books for the holidays, so it's just as well that ...

11/28/2004 16:46 :: Rules for Travel

Rule #1 - Whenever possible, when traveling by land, in the United States (or other countries in which the driving happens on the right as opposed to countries like England, where the driving happens on the other side) make the effort to sit on the right side of the vehicle. As the driving wil...

10/17/2004 22:10 :: on new jersey and trains

I wrote this a while ago, on the train, and I had emailed it to myself. It is about the closest my writing has come to really reflecting on my life, and how I feel about anything lately, so I've decided to put it online. On the North Jersey Coast line of New Jersey transit, just before the South...

10/04/2004 02:25 :: i fought the law...

Before it drifts totally out of mind, let's think back two Fridays ago to the first Critical Mass in New York after the mess that was the RNC ride. As it might be recalled, there was a bit of conflict between the riders and the police that in the end resulted in the arrests of about 260 riders ...

08/30/2004 02:12 :: whose streets? our streets!

There is a half-written piece about drowning that is sitting in the inbox at work, waiting for a block of free time in my Outlook calendar when I can actually sit down and say something reasonably intelligent on the subject1. There was this idea that getting a full-time job would free me from ...

08/16/2004 01:50 :: the new new circus

The phrase "join the circus" floated past in conversation this evening, and it brought me back several years, when I was sitting in an apartment in lower Manhattan, working at a dotcom, and thinking about leaving my own life at the time to go and join the circus. I had a job that I went to eve...

08/02/2004 00:53 :: a life worth living

It's late, and late nights tend to lead to big thinking about little things. Things that don't get discussed enough during the waking hours, when thoughts tend to be more lucid and less dramatic. But the day was spent alternately with people and reading, and both have the tendency to fill head...

07/03/2004 14:53 :: what me worry?

My father points out that I have, at times, approached the world with a certain amount of naiveté. This has been apparent in two particular instances, the first almost ten years ago, and the second about two months ago. In the first instance, I had simply decided what college I was goi...

05/10/2004 02:31 :: why the world matters, really

The world is in pretty rough shape right now. I don't think that anyone can deny that right now. From an economic standpoint on the home front, outsourcing is the new four, er, eleven letter word that can get you dubbed a terrorist quicker than you can say "Bangalore" and the rising employment...

05/02/2004 23:55 :: i like new york in june (soon)

With the coming spring comes the inevitable bad judgment that comes from people having been cooped up inside their homes all winter finally being able to emerge, squinting, into the sunlight. The latest infraction, avoiding, of course, all mention of the fashion faux pas that abound in the cit...

04/15/2004 00:38 :: rules to live by

I think that the defining sentiment of the past couple of weeks is that it is tax season, and it sucks. This year in particular, when I actually shelled out more money than I ever have before for the pleasure of giving the government my money (Turbotax AND an accountant, for different reasons)...

03/09/2004 01:53 :: the bright night

Falling often takes a lot less time than it actually seems like it might, when watching someone else do it. As I think about how long it would take for someone to take a flying leap off of the roof of a building to actually hit the ground, I am reminded of jumping off the scaffolding and set p...

03/04/2004 01:39 :: momentary respite, short lived

A momentary relief from the daily din that plagues those who live in Manhattan. The sky is beginning to cloud over in preparation for the rains that are promised, but have not yet proven to be a real threat and have, in turn, brought a sort of calm to the street below. At midnight I peered my ...

02/21/2004 11:23 :: bring on the sun

What the hell is up with that building that they're putting up outside my window? Besides the fact that it's going to block my view (which is a self-serving and completely legitimate complaint), this towering monstrosity is going to block out all of the light that falls into one of the last op...

02/01/2004 03:17 :: on the whys and wherefores

I followed a piece of string down the street yesterday. It went for about half a block, starting next to an abandoned sofa cushion that I was sure housed a homeless person and proceeded down towards a bar at the other end of the block that I knew from a previous experience (when I entered the ...

01/30/2004 01:22 :: the city killer

After spending nine months of the year talking about how the thing I love the most about winter is the fact that it's so much easier to get warm when you're cold (just by adding layers) rather than getting cool when it's hot (there is only so much skin that polite society allows uncovered), I ...

01/23/2004 02:10 :: once upon a time

I just finished watching "Once Upon A Time in Mexico," and while I am certainly a fan of the action movie genre, and I am certainly a fan of that super-saturated and stylized type of movie, the thing that I enjoyed the most was watching all of the featurettes included on the DVD. I was a lon...

01/06/2004 23:38 :: first sun

The first of anything is always important. I came to this, the most profound of conclusions, while sitting on the balcony in a sweatshirt and flip flops after a successful celebration welcoming in the new year. The floor had been mopped, the bottles all properly discarded and the stray cheese ...

12/28/2003 03:29 :: fao, doncha know?

The holidays, and this particular Holy Day, generally find me sitting in a very cold room in my parents house (generally referred to as "the house where I grew up") musing on the events of the past year. This moment would be very much like the others but for the fact that I am not in that very ...

12/24/2003 15:44 :: the christmas spirit

Chapter 1. Standing downstairs in the office supplies section of the Kmart near the checkout aisles where people are buying cereal instead of mistletoe. Chapter 2. I was cleaning out my room the other day. This was my room from when I was growing up in the suburbs and used to launch model ...

12/11/2003 02:08 :: happy windsday

It's the kind of windy outside that feels like it should be accompanied by a driving, sideways rain. The windows whistle and rattle when it starts to get windy like this and the front door shakes as the pressure in the apartment shifts. When I open the window, the whistling and rattling stop, and ...

11/30/2003 11:55 :: decorating 101, please

It's hard to believe that it's the end of the month and I've not written anything. This space, this journal, this site used to be my life. I would share my life here and others would come and share it with me. Recently (say, in the past couple of months), I've been unable to muster up the ener...

10/08/2003 03:13 :: on what to do in the hours between

There is a struggle when I sit down at the computer when I don't really want to sit down at the computer wherein I start to think that what I really want to be doing is to be sitting on the couch with a remote in my hand, flipping channels one by one by one as the hours tick by until my head l...

09/15/2003 12:47 :: procrastination from the tax man

The world becomes a much quieter place when you walk around with headphones on all of the time. It becomes a more informed place, at least in my case as the only thing I tend to listen to is NPR, but quieter nevertheless. I have my own soundtrack playing in my head and as I walk towards the ma...

08/17/2003 04:46 :: twenty three

Twenty three. There were twenty three cockroach traps hiding underneath my refrigerator along with twenty years worth of dust and various kitchen detritus that had been accumulating since the previous (and only former) tenant of this apartment moved in when this building opened. I feel lik...

06/29/2003 05:40 :: summer love, and why not?

Funny. It has been a long time since I've actually had opportunity to be awake when the sun starts its rise into the sky, splashing color across the darkness of night. Pretty soon, the lights will start going off, first scattered across the city and then, suddenly, the world will be awake, eve...

06/16/2003 10:44 :: hillary vs. the chappaqua library

Hillary Clinton's book reading and signing at the Chappaqua Public Library was much like any other reading and signing. It just had more volunteers on hand. And more Secret Service. For me to try to delve into the political significance of this particular event, either in relation to any other...

05/26/2003 02:59 :: no excuses. i mean it.

Ok, so it's a downright shame what's been going on here in this web space, and though I fully intend to do something about it, I feel like an explanation is not going to get anyone wandering back here for any deep thoughts or the like. Truth be told, there is a redesign that's like, you know, ...

04/15/2003 03:48 :: what's this little thing worth?

I just spent the better part of the last couple of hours revisiting several hundred photographs taken over the past year. There really is nowhere else to go with that. The photographs that I've been taking are somewhere between a chronicle of my life and my life as I would like it to be pres...

04/11/2003 01:47 :: television criticism, a recap

I don't watch a lot of television. Between working and the Internet and actually wanting to spend time outside of my apartment away from working and the Internet, there really isn't too much time to sit around and watch the idiot box. I used to take breaks in the middle of the day to watch Ric...

03/31/2003 02:53 :: on the movement through a city

After midnight on a Sunday doesn't so much feel like a Monday morning as it actually IS a Monday morning. I haven't checked my calendar lately, but something tells me that one of these days I'm going to lose an hour of sleepy awake time, and it bothers me to know that I don't know when this is...

03/23/2003 04:58 :: smile darn ya smile

Too busy, moving too fast, no time to smile. The other day, walking (if you can consider what I was doing, arms swinging, feet propelling me toward home, to be merely walking) home from lunch, I passed by a taxi cab sitting at the stop light. From down the block I saw something hanging out of...

03/10/2003 02:41 :: it's how you play the game

In the world that is my apartment building during the day, I am most certainly a rookie. I work from home. I am (or at least, my card claims that I am) a "consultant," which, in this case, means that I wake up, roll out of bed, stagger to my desk, and start typing away at my computer1. This s...

02/27/2003 23:33 :: happiness is other people

The biggest trick these days is to actually give myself the time to just sit down and do things for myself. This should, on its own, be an easy enough thing to do, considering that, on days like yesterday, I did not even leave the apartment. The closest I come on days such as that one are stra...

02/14/2003 12:38 :: the people vs. some other people

Further research will have to be made into the phone number mounted on the wall of the jury room at 100 Centre Street, the criminal court building. This building gives me hives, by the way, and I really can not stand being in it. Never the less, it is part of my civic duty to be a part of the ...

02/04/2003 01:02 :: an odd duck

Last week, as I was getting off of an N train at Times Square, I was hit in the head with two mylar balloons, one right after the other. She was holding them and was standing directly in front of the doors. As I made my way out through the crowd that was pushing its way out (ignoring the "plea...

01/19/2003 20:44 :: words, of many sorts

I have been fairly remiss in recent weeks in the upkeep of my website. At times I have tried to blame the lack of updates and interesting commentary on the world in which I live by explaining (to myself) that there just is nothing interesting to report. I have stayed inside most days, leaving ...

12/30/2002 04:50 :: home is where my pants are

There is no way that I am going to let 2002 slip away from me having written a grand total of zero words for my readers in the month of December. That is embarrassing, and mean, because I know that people come to this site to read about what I have to say about the world, and if I don't write,...

11/10/2002 04:08 :: Habla usted ingles?

Three thirty and the streets are alive1. Even Paris wasn't like this. We rolled into Bilbao at a little past eleven in the evening after driving from, well, somewhere in France. It's hard to keep everything straight after only a week into the trip. Oh. So I am leaving London. Actually, I h...

10/05/2002 23:30 :: saturday night, and all is quiet

I am embarrassed for the man who staggers home at 11:30 on a Saturday evening, so drunk he can hardly put one foot in front of another. I hear a bang and imagine that he might have just fallen against the dumpster that has been sitting up the road for the past couple of months. Maybe he will v...

10/03/2002 14:17 :: thank queue very much

Perhaps it is the English penchant for queuing that has gotten me looking for new and innovative ways to be that person who, with little effort and to the chagrin of all others following the queuing order, skips to the front, avoiding stagnation and an otherwise worthless time spent standing a...

09/20/2002 05:23 :: the sun'll come out, when?

Autumn has finally descended on this city, and I have finally had the opportunity to see what it is that this entails. More psychological than anything else, London is usually bathed in the light of a sunless day, the omnipresent clouds hovering overhead leaving the people in this city without...

09/11/2002 12:17 :: ...

I am not home. That is to say that I am home now, in the flat, in London, where I live for the time-being, but as I listen to the world around, as I listen to music playing out of the window across the way where workers renovate a flat, where I have been watching walls and windows being insta...

08/18/2002 17:29 :: this really happened

One would imagine that after a week back in London after two weeks in Edinburgh, that there would be something on my mind. Something that I could write that would be an interesting and compelling read. One would have to take my word for it that there really isn't anything more for me to say than t...

08/03/2002 12:01 :: happy happy cold cold

I suppose technically they were cold feet. It's understandable I suppose, considering the circumstances. I don't think that I'm any worse off now than I was before, but it has taught me a couple of things. I was in a particular predicament, and, again, given the circumstances, I suppose I'll j...

07/24/2002 02:37 :: this really isn't right

I will blame it on instinct. Well, I will blame it first on the weather, and then on instinct. If all else fails, I think that I might try to blame it on the media, but given my aversion to the media as of late (that is, other than the increasing frequency with which I have been watching dayti...

07/18/2002 17:25 :: summertime, and the livin' is easy

I have been reluctantly forced to admit that there is something resembling summer in London. Even more, I am even more reluctant to note that it is just about the most enjoyable type of weather I could ever hope to enjoy during the summer months. I have been assured that this is a fluke, and t...

07/10/2002 18:06 :: silent night, lonely night

This must be what paranoia feels like. Wandering around the flat, overturning books, papers, blankets, pillows. Eyes blurry, head spinning muttering to myself and wondering how the hell I lost my sweater between the moment when I pulled it out of my messenger bag and when I sat down on the cou...

07/05/2002 13:21 :: come here, monkey boy!

"Do you like your banana, monkey boy? Want some lettuce, monkey boy?!" They chased me down Oxford Street, picking fruit out of their bags and hurling it at my head. Fortunately, they were drunk, and most of the fruit landed harmlessly in the hands of the homeless men sleeping under the awning...

07/03/2002 23:33 :: ausfahrt is a funny word

Of note recently, and recorded in two different photographic formats (those being digital and film, the former being available for viewing online and the latter available for viewing in the comfort of my own home or wherever it is that I happen to be traveling with my photo album1), is the trip...

06/21/2002 12:47 :: tall filter football, please

The helicopter has finally stopped flying overhead indicating that it's either lunchtime or that the rabid football fans, turning to violence after the loss of their team to Brazil, have all decided to just drink themselves to death. After all, it was the conversation next to me this morning a...

06/15/2002 05:02 :: that herd needs thinning

Set the mood, dim the lights, lower lower lower still. My eyes, adjusting to them, fog over, and it feels as though I am in a haze. But I am not. I am in the living room, on the couch, where I have spent the last several days. There is a slight indentation here where my derriere has settled and...

06/08/2002 02:45 :: almost about the world cup

There is a very American take on the whole notion of the World Cup that every American living abroad has to come to terms with at some point during the tournament and that is that it simply does not make any sense at all. The rules of the game are not particularly difficult to understand (or i...

05/21/2002 23:37 :: bundles of time, packets of ketchup

My life operates in very neat little bundles these days, facilitated by the fact that I do not have any particular responsibilities or schedule that I need to follow. Thus, I can be certain that all of my daily activities are, in fact, decided upon and directed by me and not for or by anybody ...

05/16/2002 12:32 :: running man

He flew in about 10 minutes ago. With little fanfare or announcement, and not a greeting or a knock he just jumped in, explored the flat for a while, made use of the facilities and just as suddenly as he arrived, he flew back out the window. It is seventy degrees (Fahrenheit) outside, and the cr...

05/13/2002 19:38 :: old friends, new friends

After finally kicking whatever it is that I picked up on the plane going to Ireland last weekend (well, now, at this point, two weekends ago, but really, when one does not work, one rapidly loses track of the days of the week, reality only kept in check by one's own surroundings) I flung open ...

05/03/2002 17:12 :: and i walked and i walked and i walked

I walked for almost three hours today. I met Karen for lunch and then started walking with the intention of walking until I found somewhere to sit down and start writing. Well I finally succeeded in the latter part of that operation, but the getting was rough. It should be remarkably easy t...

04/26/2002 19:39 :: mmm... london

The loudest car alarm on the smallest car. Ever. That is what I just heard sitting in my new home. Something that can be considered home, at least for the time being, as I settle into something resembling life in a new country. A new continent. A new city. All those things. Technically a vacat...

04/19/2002 00:58 :: doesn't this kid ever stop?

Deep and meaningful there will not be. About a year ago I was here. I am more naked than I was at that point (in that I am not wearing any clothes right now, the clothes that I was wearing today are now packed, and the clothes that I am to wear when I wake up are not to be soiled as of yet wi...

04/16/2002 03:26 :: crying out to the street below

"Quiet!" I want to shout down to the street below. "Quiet, just for a minute!" It is these moments that the world should be asleep, the last traces of the day falling into the darkness and everything should be still, waiting for dawn. Unfortunately, the world of the sanitation worker seems to ...

04/13/2002 14:33 :: all the time in the world

It's amazing how much things can change right under your nose. I had gone away on vacation for a week and when I returned there was a bank and an organic supermarket where there ought not have been. That was the first time. I hadn't even gone anywhere this time yet when I went downstairs to ph...

03/17/2002 19:43 :: I did these things today

The following is a list of things that I did today, in no particular order1. I woke up this morning and tried to call my girlfriend. This has become an increasingly common phenomenon as when I wake up in my morning it is already her afternoon and I want to both begin my day with a happy thou...

03/15/2002 23:30 :: moving on

There is something of a novelty involved in sitting in bed with a laptop, with no wires to connect you to anything. This novelty will soon wear off to the realization that I am actually in bed, a place that is usually reserved for the more pleasant things in life (that is, sleeping and sex) an...

03/13/2002 01:45 :: stupid stupid me

It is quite embarrassing for me to admit that I am a complete moron. I say this with the utmost sincerity as, in general, I think of myself as a fairly intelligent person. Yet this evening, when I was attending a performance of my friend's improvisational comedy act (a form that can be incredi...

03/10/2002 23:38 :: temptation island

Tempting as it was to take a photograph of her ass, I opted against it. You see, I had been walking down the street and in front of me was walking a woman wearing grey spandex pants that contained her skinny legs and tremendous butt and as I walked behind her I was tempted to take a photograph...

03/06/2002 05:13 :: on the road again, just can't wait...

I'm awake again, and falling into old habits. The one that currently occupies my existence would be typing on a laptop in my lap, my fingers curled in unnatural ways. But more than that, I am sitting awake at five in the morning after having just woken up on the couch after having fallen aslee...

02/22/2002 13:33 :: kids, da da da da daaaa

While I might be too young to drive a rental car from Hertz, I am apparently young enough to be an authority on hummus. This morning passed as follows: out of the apartment, down the street to the bank (stopping along the way to take some photographs and gawk at the tour group of students and...

02/19/2002 09:05 :: copper stars in the street

Round disc. Copper colored. I get closer, I bend down. Indeed! A penny! Not so rare a find in the city, where even the homeless shaking cups for a handout would hardly stoop to retrieve such a small fraction of a dollar. But I do. Consider it part of my upbringing, as I still dip my finger in ...

02/17/2002 02:37 :: decisions. discussions. what else is there?

The city is loud tonight. I'm not sure why. In the restaurant earlier, the one with the white tile floor that reminded me more of my high school cafeteria than an Italian restaurant and a mural that reminded me of my elementary school art class, a table of what must have been students was shriek...

02/05/2002 :: pain and suffering in london. well. no.

The day was quite unlike any other I'd experienced in London thus far. The sun was shining and large white clouds drifted across a blue sky and the streets seemed decidedly happier than they had previously. I wove my way through the narrow, winding Soho streets until I found myself at a large, tre...

02/04/2002 13:38 :: needle, thread, roads to nowhere

It was my intent today to walk outside and, with camera in hand, document the world I saw around me. The world, a new one for me, glistening, shiny and new, at least for me, under the sprinkling of a mid-winter rain. I hear that the weather here in London remains consistently gloomy and pleasant t...

01/23/2002 03:11 :: situational seasonal

The mind races at something resembling the revving of an engine at a stop light, the driver, impatient or wanting to make scene, the car, not yet in gear. Lots of noise, very little resolution. I am waiting, here in the pre-dawn hours, for an angel to come knocking at my window, carrying a mis...

01/20/2002 06:38 :: late night morning

Dim the light on the laptop, it being too bright to be sitting here in pre-dawn horizon glow out the windows of my apartment. The other lights here (and I say other as if there were any on, which there are not)? Off. It is dark and I position myself to be staring out my window directly, watchi...

01/18/2002 06:12 :: time goes back, then forth

"This," I thought, "is exactly what it should feel like," as I walked out the door this morning and headed to work. The sky was overcast, a blanket of white, and the air had a nice, wintery chill. Not, mind you, the kind of chill that makes you cry, to wrap your scarf around your head, not mer...

01/08/2002 10:27 :: problematic difficulties

Ladies and gentlemen, we appear to have a problem. It appears that through my excessive programming and otherwise non-creative pursuits (though one might argue that the area of programming and other technical computing has elements of creativity I choose to ignore this possibility for the momen...

01/07/2002 04:44 :: no snow. oh no.

It's not snowing. It should be snowing. At least, that's how it felt today, leaving the apartment looking up at the sky, grey clouds covering the city, sun barely breaking through. It looked like it was about to snow. The hard driving snow that cuts through your body and cakes into your hair. ...

01/03/2002 02:31 :: sneaking and crying, just under the wire

Dashed down the steps to the subway and saw the silver car sitting at the platform, doors open, bells ringing. Card in my hand, I swiped it through the turnstile and slipped through to be confronted with closing doors. Momentum being what it is, I about collided with the doors when they reopen...

12/26/2001 16:13 :: writing while working, sorta

I sort of have to make this quick, today, the day after Christmas, when traditionally I have been home for one of the following reasons: I just quit my job and was planning on moving to a new city, I was at home on vacation from school because I wasn't off doing something fun and because my pa...

12/18/2001 02:45 :: that holiday feeling

In my living room now stands a tree. Its lights are off, retiring, as I am, for the evening and sparing me an already too-high electric bill for the month. My computers purr incessantly, reminding me that I really must do something about the noise in this room before it drives me insane. My fa...

12/15/2001 16:01 :: one story. one time.

You know that guy? That guy who just has one story to tell, that he tells to everyone he sees and everyone meets? Have you ever heard him? Or it? I was standing in the store today, and the man behind the counter is on the phone. He's dressed in tight shiny black pants, torn at the knees. He has...

12/08/2001 08:16 :: hello, mom and dad...

Finally, something to write home about. The weather has finally dropped to something resembling "winter" weather and the holiday season might finally think it well and good enough to pay our little town a visit. You see, it's very difficult, given my upbringing, to celebrate anything around t...

12/02/2001 23:54 :: moving forward.

It's crazy, I know but I looked up at the sky and felt like the train was pacing the plane up above. We were matched, perfectly, and if we could go on forever, we probably would. But it's just one of those things that happens when you're on a train staring out the window watching the city and ...

11/30/2001 22:30 :: back to the, what was it, grind?

I recently found myself the participant in one of the largest group activities known in this country. It's not so much an exclusive event but these days it seems harder and harder to get in. Pretty much it's who you know and whether you can weasel you in the front door. That's right. I got a ...

11/28/2001 01:56 :: untitled

Interestingly enough, I'm not quite sure how many pairs of socks I own. I suppose that most people don't, but my problem as of now is that I'm not certain if I'm experiencing a gain or a loss in terms of gross sock count. You see, I lost one dark grey sock a while back. Now ever since then, af...

11/18/2001 03:20 :: watch the sky

There is something about sitting outside, waiting for shooting stars that sends shivers down my spine. Quite unlike anything else in the world, the shooting star always makes me feel a little more giddy, a little bit more alive. I'm not really sure what it is, whether it's the fleetingness o...

11/17/2001 18:02 :: hello. who are you?

Something vaguely resembling, but not all together behaving like autumn has finally come to the city. As a matter of fact, it would seem that the final three months of the season have suddenly, and without much warning at all (at least not to me) inserted themselves into our everyday lives. C...

11/11/2001 03:46 :: winter winter fall fall

With my life falling back into the work cycle (with a twist -- a walk to the office rather than a subway ride, reminiscent more of Boston than of New York, if only in the walk for New York would never, really, remind me of Boston) I am discovering, once again, less and less time for leisure,...

10/31/2001 01:46 :: happy as i wanna be

The economic spirit of this fair city comes through in the newest crisis that New York faces since the devastating events of September 11, 2001. Walking down the street today, the tables that were once filled with postcards and posters of the World Trade Center, piles and piles of cheap Americ...

10/28/2001 23:33 :: welcome to the cold; it's been so long

It would seem, as the air grows colder, collars turn up and breath begins to show itself for the first time this year, it would seem that I have run out of things to say. This happens every several months, and it will soon pass, but I seem to be going on a particularly long dry spell right now ...

10/26/2001 00:56 :: this space intentionally left blank

It's become less pressing, what with consumption of books, what with working and what with my exploration of the world that is "cable television." I really hate it, but there were interesting commercials on this evening. I would like to say something more profound, but I don't think I can. ...

10/10/2001 00:13 :: anthrax lovin', 'cause there ain't nothin' else

"Stay away from me, I have Anthrax!" What else, really, are we supposed to do right now? Every year, around this time, I get sick. I get some awful cold and it knocks me on my ass and I cough and I complain and then I get up and I get on with my life. That's every other year. This year, in th...

09/24/2001 00:44 :: the patriot, the frightened

Not a day after the Twin Towers came tumbling down in a dusty mess, American flags began coming out of storage and flying off of store shelves. For the first time in my lifetime, the country united under the stars and stripes, proudly displaying Old Glory in a display of solidarity and in memo...

09/23/2001 06:18 :: everything really has changed

Though I would like nothing more than to stop thinking about "this," to stop referring to "the attack" or "the incident" or however else I have been referring to the events that transpired almost two weeks ago when the two planes crashed into the World Trade Towers in firey balls of death (whi...

09/12/2001 01:09 :: infamy does not begin to describe it

Serenity. Quite the only way to describe it at the moment as I look up and see the waning moon glowing over the horizon on an otherwise clear and virtually cloudless night. The normal city noises I am so accustomed to: the cars traveling down the street, echoing up the canyons of the city, ar...

09/09/2001 13:57 :: growing up, growing old, with lunch

I briefly consider a peanut butter and mustard sandwich as I open my refrigerator and find nothing there but, well, mustard. And jelly. There's the jelly. Hiding behind the mustard. As if it knows what's going to happen and is trying, desperately, to avoid eye contact. It's futile, however, fo...

08/26/2001 05:27 :: there he is again

I got home this evening and he was standing there, just like in that poem that I illustrated in grade school1. I stood outside, facing east and found myself staring right at Orion's belt. When I was growing up, that was always my favorite constellation. Whether it was because I could always ...

08/24/2001 19:51 :: wanting and waiting

I'm waiting for something, at this moment. Well, right at this moment I'm waiting for my laundry to finish so I can go out and buy food so I can eat dinner so I can continue to wait for my friend to show up from out of town. But that's not really what I'm waiting for. I'm waiting for the next ...

08/14/2001 23:53 :: work is hard, but ok.

Working is hard. This is the new realization. The one that I come to every once in a while when I start to work again and realize why it is that I don't like doing so. It's like when the end of the summer rolled around between my sophomore and junior years of high school when the cross coun...

07/28/2001 14:46 :: a city afternoon, from a distance

Today's Saturday, right? I can't remember. I keep falling asleep. Yes, it must be Saturday. Every Saturday I come outside and I look at the roof of the building across the way and I see a woman sunning herself, surrounded by the dirty off-white of the rooftop, she rests on her stomach or lays o...

07/17/2001 18:39 :: sweet (tooth) dreams

I woke up this morning because of a dream I was having. This hasn't happened to me in a long time. The last time, I was maybe ten years old. Twelve? I don't remember. I had been dreaming about ghosts. They were all over my house. And my baby sitters were there. They were all wearing the same s...

07/13/2001 02:20 :: the superdooper city day

I am just about down from my earlier high and feel that it is time to put (what is ostensibly) pen to paper (though it's been far too long since I've been able to write anything longhand for any length of time without cramping and all that, not to mention the fact that my hand just does not wa...

07/07/2001 04:52 :: another sunrise. they're really pretty you know.

Really, I had every best intention of going to sleep. Floss, rinse, brush, rinse, etc. The lights turned off in the bedroom, I looked up to see the city lights shimmering white and yellow in front of a backdrop of a deep red drifting into a dark, dark blue. She told me that she didn't like sunri...

06/29/2001 22:24 :: new york in june. (how about you?)

My life has gotten to such a point where I can only concentrate for a short, short period of time. So I will only talk about things for a short period of time. Hopefully it will be interesting though. To start, I really like peanuts. I am not sure when this started, but I am looking at a 30 o...

06/28/2001 01:39 :: untitled

I stepped out of the apartment and into the hot, sticky night. We'd just watched two episodes of "Sex and the City" and the world constructed therein, though shot on location and all that, stood in stark contrast to the muggy, dirty streets that actually make up Manhattan, especially in the summer...

06/21/2001 00:49 :: it's summertime and the sex comes out to play

He was wearing Diesel jeans and a grey cotton shirt. She was wearing a turquoise top with frilly short sleeves and a black skirt. Her sandals had flowers on them. Black sandals, black flowers. They were standing on line in front of me buying exactly two rolls of Bounty, one bottle of facial cle...

06/20/2001 02:11 :: short and to the full-time point

I would say things like "it's not really exciting unless there is the possibility of bodily injury during your workday," or things of that nature. And I still sort of mean it. There is a calm of sorts that comes from listening to the chatter of electricians high above on scaffolds as you (I) wande...

06/08/2001 19:39 :: a lot about nothing on a very nice day

It would be coffee and cigarettes right now, if I was interested in starting to smoke. Which I am not. Because it makes me smell bad when I'm around it, let alone consuming it. So I stick to the two-liter bottle of Coke that sits in my fridge for all of my stimulation needs. It's probably not ...

06/02/2001 11:11 :: new york entertainment on no dollars a night

In order to understand exactly why it was that I went running out last night in the rain to go to a bar we will first have to examine the earlier part of this week. I have been working this week. This, in itself, is not particularly interesting. However, I have been working in the theatre. Fo...

05/31/2001 01:04 :: music and love. what more could a boy want?

When I am at work I tend to think about a lot of things. Least of all, I think about work, which is generally the case these days (where these days is defined as "the past three days") as I have been working with a lot of stressed out people who want to put up a really complicated (and only ma...

05/25/2001 02:33 :: strangers passing in the hall

Whenever I heard noise out in the hallway, I dash to the door and peer out of the peephole in hopes of catching a glimpse of one of my neighbors. Sometimes it's not my neighbor at all but rather the man who comes around the halls with a large vacuum, but most of the time it's either the woman ...

05/21/2001 00:53 :: czech poetry and haircuts.

Resolved then that cutting one's hair while one is feeling particularly blue is probably not the best solutions to one's woes. Nor, I would suspect, is sitting on a metal chair, naked. Luckily I am sitting on a pillow. Take this statement with a grain of salt, as I have taken much of my day. ...

05/17/2001 02:28 :: a bar. really. that's it.

In a sort of full-disclosure, self-aware sort of a way, let it be known that the writing of this was prompted not so much by my wanting to write it (because I am tired and woke up after not so much sleep last night that was caused in no small part to the fact that I decided that it would be a ...

05/16/2001 02:56 :: it's late and i'm lonely

NPR drones in the background playing selections inspired by the story of Romeo and Juliet as I go back one year, two years in my inbox and find emails that I never responded to. Conversations cut off simply by my not finding the time to write. And now I look back and I remember the conversatio...

05/14/2001 02:35 :: dreams and music and other mystical things (or not)

I forgot to mention this a while back. I had a dream about Britney Spears. And lest you think that this is merely search engine fodder, allow me to assure you that I did, in fact, have a dream that featured Ms. Spears and, in fact, she remained fully clothed throughout. Interestingly enough I ...

05/11/2001 02:35 :: i am angry. rawr.

I really have nothing pleasant to say. And so I will not say it. I should channel this energy into something creative, but really I just want to complain. And I don't even have enough energy to talk to the three girls sitting at the bar where I was having dinner and how utterly in awe I was of...

05/09/2001 03:26 :: the city is awake - i should not be.

The three of them sat and ate their lunch (Chinese take-out in old-school little white cardboard containers instead of those plastic dishes that so many restaurants use these days), the large dog sat under the chair and the little one darted between the table and the closest tree. Behind them, ...

05/04/2001 02:35 :: summer nights in the springtime

"Do you ever talk to strangers?" "Not that often, no." And so began another in my failed attempts to turn New York City into the biggest small town in the world. Well, some might argue that it already has that mentality, but I particularly like the idea of being able to strike up a conversati...

04/28/2001 03:06 :: the first entry of an old life in a new home.

Briefly: moved some of my belongings into my new apartment, suffer from a fair amount of guilt, got a 212 phone number, watched the tape part of a cassette tape get caught up in a large wheeled bin holding a lot of cardboard. Thing is, I feel that it would be appropriate at this time to talk ...

04/25/2001 03:59 :: late night reflections on the end of an era.

I'm wrapped in a blanket, not asleep. Sitting here in front of my computer on what is ostensibly my last night in my house. Ever. I was readying myself for bed, thinking that it was interesting that this moment, this end to this transitional period was being met with so little resistance. And ...

04/24/2001 02:24 :: more thoughts on writing

I would rather be doing things other than writing right now. Rather, I would much rather be doing other things, having already accomplished the writing for the evening, having had the words come out, expressing thoughts in an interesting and thought-provoking, or at least mildly entertaining w...

04/23/2001 02:36 :: summer shows up, completely skipping over spring.

I ran around the house, flinging open windows like a madman. Spring had arrived, and boy was she fiesty. Actually, I couldn't really tell if it was spring or her big sister summer. See, I had woken up and it was cold. And I took a shower and I got out of the shower and it was still cold. And...

04/18/2001 02:18 :: a story that had to be told

I miss the way I used to write1. I miss the things I used to say. And yes, I have spent this evening reading through my old journal entries. Old as in two years ago. Old as in when I was in college. Old as in when I was not living at home and was considering moving to San Francisco. Old as in ...

04/13/2001 02:51 :: throw it out. all of it. i mean it.

I just turned off the light in my bedroom because I am afraid of what I might see when I turn around. Unlike the child who sleeps with the lights on to avoid the unseen horrors that will inevitably arise when the lights go out, I plunge myself into darkness (if you will allow a bit of melodram...

04/09/2001 00:58 :: further reflections on home while away from it.

I lied a little bit. Not too much, but just a little. See, I am sitting here on the couch, listening to the dish washer, and he asked me if I was coming to bed because I was welcome to sleep there but I told him that I was just going to stay out here a little while longer to work and was proba...

04/05/2001 02:38 :: i am a dog, in so many ways.

In particular, right now, my nose is really cold. I was not expecting this when I brought my fingers up to it, inexplicably. How often does one touch one's own nose after all? But I did, and I found it surprisingly chilled. I am tempted to cup my hands around my nose and blow warm air out of my...

04/04/2001 04:14 :: about nothing - no, really.

Lessons of the day: Brooklyn is not as far as I would like to believe, there are some really attractive people in Williamsburg and the last non-local train back to my parents' house is at 11:57pm. There are many things that I would like to say here that begin with the phrase "Sometimes I..." ...

04/01/2001 04:31 :: el conquistadors (that is to say, search engine fodder)

[ march thirty-first, two-thousand and one, five fifty five in the early evening ] Currently unable to produce complete thoughts, which is unfortunate. Combination on not being able to think and not having eaten lately and having consumed coffee which has caused me to have to go to the bathro...

03/30/2001 00:36 :: alt.coffee love

[ March twenty-eight, one forty in the afternoon ] I am still in a panic. Every time I walk outside. Every time I walk out of my apartment. Every time I return home from work, or whatever it is that I do all day (case in point, I did very little work yesterday, instead spending my day runn...

03/25/2001 01:57 :: finally, he's stopped complaining about everything

I spent the night spending money. I am unable to spend money on clothing and such. At least not effectively. I always end up buying the wrong thing and then not wearing it. However. Food. And friends. I am able to spend like a fiend. Well, a fiend with no really reliable source of inco...

03/21/2001 23:52 :: it's winds-day

There are dozens, if not hundreds, of umbrellas strewn about the city, casualties of the "movie rain" that was blowing about today. You know the type, where the wind is blowing so hard that the rain goes sideways, and the streets are filled with people walking against it, umbrellas held up in...

03/09/2001 01:30 :: fire safety rules and what they didn't teach you

There are so many ways to begin, and none of them right, but I don't really outline all of the possibilities since I've done that in the past and the result was not so much what I was hoping for and besides it's so Been There that I might as well just hang out a sign reading "meta" for everyon...

03/08/2001 00:15 :: wheat things: low sodium

I don't know what I was expecting. Bland, boring. Day in day out, the same. And why would it be any different today? I mean, maybe I was looking for some sort of life changing event, some revelation. But really, I'm just going to have to learn that you sometimes have to take things at fac...

03/06/2001 23:41 :: attention lost, and snow. not.

This web site has not been receiving the attention it deserves. I mean, really, it's been around for quite some time now, and I've just been plugging along with my everyday life, not really thinking about it, or even worrying that it's going lonely. "Is that ok?" I ask myself. It's my site,...

02/22/2001 18:12 :: a work of fiction inspired by snow

The office is stifling. Really on so many levels other than the fact that he woman behind me won't stop singing and the dumpsters right under my window are constantly being either filled or emptied. In fact, if I'm here late at night, I suspect that they come by in a very large truck and f...

02/20/2001 00:54 :: a honest day's brownie

Could this be what "they" mean when "they" say that all those kids who have lost their shirts in the dotcom game should now suck "it" up and cut their hair and throw out their flannel and get a "real" job where they can earn an "honest day's work" (where "they" are those fuddy duddies who wish ...

02/15/2001 00:49 :: facial reconstruction and a new friend

First of all, it occurs to me that I should take the time that I am not really working to work on some of the projects on which I've said I would work when I had the time, but never have. See? The solution to me, to most everything in the world, is a web site. That's just the way it works. ...

02/11/2001 18:45 :: what else is there to do on a warm february evening?

I cut my hair again tonight. Nothing drastic, and nothing really too interesting. Just stood over the sink and snip snip snipped off some of the crap that was in my eyes. But it was sort of like arts and crafts, except that instead of using little plastic scissors that can't hurt me but als...

01/30/2001 01:41 :: no sleep, and some NOT NULL nerdiness.

It's already the end of January and I have a stack of bills on my desk and a course that I've not written yet and approval pending from and editor and I really should get on that but I've just been such a busy person lately. really. The cute girl lives at 65 St. Mark's Street, several blo...

01/16/2001 03:07 :: are you out there? can you hear me?

"Thanks for staying up with me tonight," he said. He is a nameless, faceless voice in my apartment that comes out of a little radio that I have not yet fully mastered. Truth be told, it's not even my apartment, per se, but saying "the apartment in which I am staying" for too long leaves me w...

01/14/2001 05:20 :: ennui and some stuff

So, like, what's up with this? What's up with me lying on a couch in New Jersey at five thirty in the morning, Sarah McLachlan playing on the stereo with a young man until recently quite drunk snoring loudly in my ear? What's up with me being on the computer and discussion this situation? W...

01/09/2001 01:42 :: music to write by. as if.

I want to listen to something because it is too quiet in my room, but I want to listen to something that does not have any words, because I still get too distracted when there are words coming into my head when I am trying to concentrate on making words of my own. Or rather, I get distracted ...

01/01/2001 11:59 :: no reflections, just girls (of course)

It would be particularly appropriate for me to write something now, at the actual beginning of the new millennium. But I do not feel particularly compelled to. Each year I write about a party that I had recently attended. I write about cynicism and reflection. I look back on the year that ...

12/30/2000 02:49 :: many words to say little about wires and snow

I have recently decided that those little cuffs of plastic around so many power cords of the various appliances I won are not there to cut down interference or radiation or anything of the sort but are rather in place so that when I am crawling around on the floor trying to get the plug that h...

12/21/2000 03:03 :: no more laundry, bring on the party

If, at this point, I take a break from airing out my dirty laundry here I am afraid that there will be nothing else for me to write about. Yesterday can be pretty much categorized as one big day of laundry that only ended this afternoon when I got home and showered. I sat in the coat check r...

12/14/2000 03:50 :: a real winter wonder(?)land

The pitter-patter of the sleet coming down as stopped, at least for the time being, leaving the driveway and the trees and the grass and all the other things that we have here that I wouldn't have if I lived in the city covered in a layer of white pellets that will stay on the ground at least unti...

12/10/2000 01:07 :: spinning head, rotting brain

Today, and not much else. Perhaps with further examination at a future point in time, but at this stage there is so much going on, so overcome with fear and anticipation, hiding my head under my blanket, closing my eyes shutting out the world, my head shimmering back and forth in the darkness, so...

12/01/2000 00:58 :: dreaming of a winter wonderland

A new month crept up, and I was not there to welcome it. With December usually comes snow and Holiday things, but not usually the outpouring of emotion for me. But tonight, as I sat watching evening television and felt myself on the verge of tears, it was time for a bit of reflection, to wonder ...

11/30/2000 02:24 :: nowhere to go but up

There's a great big empty hole somewhere (if I might lay on the melodrama rather thick here) inside of me that I think could be filled with a good story or two if I just had the experiences to back them up. But considering the only things that I've done lately have been within the scope of my sub...

11/26/2000 01:05 :: the commercialization of my pants(.com)

I would like to quickly note a couple of things before retiring for the evening, having not the time nor the energy to engage in a full-on discussion of things about which I am about to write, but would still like to put out there "just to see what happens." It seems that everything Microsoft do...

11/22/2000 03:41 :: moving on out

Wow. So I've finally moved out of Boston. And there's someone already living in my apartment. And he smokes. And this means that some of my stuff smells like smoke as I had to leave a bunch of it up there when I moved the first of my... woah. Back up there. Let's try this again. I've been ...

11/11/2000 02:25 :: winding down

I really have nothing interesting to say about the past several, what has it been, weeks, days? Something since anything substantial, or at least since I've been back at my own computer and not my parents' hijacked computer in the very cold computer room between my bedroom and the staircase down ...

11/08/2000 11:03 :: news coverage, and that's all

Things that happened while watching the election coverage until about 5am: 1. Peter Jennings remaining as calm as he always does as he reports that "We appear to be on fire" as the camera pans over to a studio speaker that does appear to be on fire for a few moments before being put out by a spr...

10/31/2000 03:43 :: all dogs go to heaven

"Maybe she'll go find Uncle Jay up in Heaven. He should have a dog up there to keep him company." ...

10/30/2000 03:28 :: winter loving in nyc (or I <3 NY)

I'm not so much in the mood to write because I am cold and sick and if I write now I'm going to come off as really grumpy and sad, which I am not, in real life. But my head is all full of snot, so who knows what I'm going to say. I'm back in New York. That is to say, I'm back at my parents' ho...

10/19/2000 18:56 :: the world is not as fabulous as it should be

As a self-described elitist pig, one of the things that I miss the most about attending my prestigious university was not the education that I received there, nor was it the aparent endless stream of beautiful women wearing Prada and North Face. Instead, it was the brilliant inclusion of a main g...

10/12/2000 20:19 :: what is a New Yorker?

"Best I've felt all year." "They why choose fear?" "I'm a New Yorker. Fear's my life." That line is from Rent, in case you didn't know. I first listening to that CD back during my sophomore year of college. And then I listened to it for about four days straight when I locked myself in the the...

10/11/2000 00:43 :: not home

"Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21) Your living situation has simply got to change. That's all there is to it. The tornado that swept through your living room over the last year or so has left the family you once knew in tatters and you don't have to be a molecular biologist to know that you can't create...

10/06/2000 04:06 :: of dreams, movies and melodrama

There is something both exactly right and exactly wrong with sitting in front of a fireplace in an apartment in Boulder with the lights out and flames casting flickering shadows on the stereo stack with dvd, dat, cd, vcr and television while the soundtrack to The Piano plays and I type on my lapto...

09/24/2000 01:57 :: i am sexy and thirsty (a story of half-truths)

I find myself sighing deeply (notably a much too sharp intake of air followed by a sustained exhale) and curling up in pain on my couch. Since quitting my job, I have been spending a lot of time in my apartment, often not leaving for days at a time, writing a lot and reading a lot more. In fact...

09/18/2000 23:21 :: the three dollar night

This story could begin in many ways. It would eventually come around to the same ending any way I told it, but it would set the reader up for an entirely different experience each time. It could start with my eating a bowl of Cheerios, watching the shadow of my hair casting shadows against th...

09/13/2000 18:12 :: the world needs a hug

A local print magazine had, for a while, on their web site, a notice that read something to the effect of "We do not have a web presence at this time because we haven't figured out how to make money off of it yet." I'm paraphrasing a bit, but not much. So I read this, and think about it for a ...

09/12/2000 14:39 :: vague and wandering ramblings

I realized a moment ago that I was not wearing pants, and that this could be seriously hindering my ability to move forward with my day. Days are melting into each other with each advancing hour being one more when I am not making any money and one more during which time I have battles involving ...

09/07/2000 01:25 :: on modern literature (meaning neal pollack)

Irony would be author Neal Pollack discussing how, while there are women authors whom he enjoys reading, he does not like it when publishers use a naked picture of a woman as the jacket photo in order to sell more books, all the while sitting behind a poster of himself, naked, on a sofa, with a cat...

09/06/2000 10:25 :: autumn, and all of its goodness

A discussion of cynicism in our society will be avoided here for fear of plagarizing the play that I am currently involved with. While it would be possible to read through the script to make sure that nothing of that sort occurred, I feel that I have better things to do with myself right now. W...

08/29/2000 00:35 :: on sniffing butts

"How uncouth," I think to myself as I knock the little bit of cous cous that dropped onto my shirt into my spoon and eat it. This might be why I tend to scare people off. And why my clothes alway have food all over them. It's been several days of meeting people. Yesterday it was Claudette on ...

08/25/2000 01:37 :: back to school, back to life

Life really does fly by and by and by. Today we packed (rather my father packed while I lay sleeping in my bed, finding solace in the nights in the suburbs means that I stay up way too late and attempt in vain to sleep the same) the family cars with my sister's belongings and, at the designated n...

08/21/2000 16:01 :: on consuming life

After probably a dozen years with call-waiting service on their phone, it always seems to cause a great deal of commotion when both parents are on the telephone and they hear the tone signifying another call coming through on the line. First, the negotiation as to who is going to hang up and who ...

08/17/2000 01:53 :: the future of america (is its children, etc)

New York commands a lot of attention. I never really noticed this until I was driving back from Philadelphia and looked out the window to my right just before I thought to call my parents to figure out what the best way would be to get home. I looked out the window and there, off in the distance...

08/10/2000 02:57 :: on being home again

All I really want right now is to sit at home every day and work on things that won't make me any money. Which isn't to say that I don't want to make any money, because money isn't really the issue. I'm not saying that I have a problem with money, or that I'm denouncing money, but more that the ...

08/08/2000 02:35 :: beginnings and ends, to be vague

Before we begin, I made some web pages this weekend. They're both pretty lame, and they're just there as placeholders, one so people can't see the crap that I save in my web directory and the second because I haven't updated my web page in the computer science department at school in forever, s...

08/04/2000 00:21 :: on reflection of a year gone by

One year and about fifteen minutes ago, give or take some time, I was sitting in an apartment that wasn't mine (either on the Upper West Side or in Battery Park City, both of which are in New York City and both of which seem preferable to where I am right now, to some extent) watching cable and co...

08/03/2000 11:23 :: on long lines and the world (for real)

What didn't happen is that I didn't get in to see the Real World / Road Rules Challenge taping downtown last night as, according to the security guard1 I befriended last night, MTV was only letting 350 people in and with a crowd of several hundred more standing on line outside the club I, having g...

08/02/2000 00:08 :: on coming clean

Great drama is unfolding in my life right now, on so many levels. Illness in the family. Job confusion. This city. My future. But even more pressing right now (besides the daily debate I run through in my head about whether or not I would want to be on the Real World1 or any of these other "R...

07/26/2000 00:24 :: on having fun in the midst of a lot of crap

Well! That was certainly a lot of fun. We just went and played pool. This wasn't a big organized thing where we all had to email and call and organize and oh where is so-and-so because I just can't stand to wait any longer here because there's nothing to do in this apartment but we can't just...

07/16/2000 22:13 :: on being in hawaii, wish you were here

A bit of personal reflection from Hawaii. That I don't actually hate my job right now, but just rather realize that it is not what I want to be doing with my life. We went snorkelling today and I am reminded of my friend who is off the coast of Maine somewhere doing marine reasearch. He loves ...

07/13/2000 02:29 :: on staying up late

I am reminded of staying up all night sophomore year of college, packing up my room and getting ready to move out. In two hours a taxi will come to get me and bring me to the airport, and I will fly to Chicago to meet my parents to go on vacation. Be jealous. I know I will have a great time. A...

07/10/2000 00:16 :: on food, not bombs, community, and a smidge about the most beautiful place on earth

[ additionally: Tim ] Once again my upstairs neighbors are bowling or doing gymnastics at way to late of an hour for me to even trudge upstairs to figure out what they're doing. I think, quite honestly, that if I were to go upstairs and knock on their door that they would kill me dead, right t...

07/09/2000 00:53 :: on being an idiot and dancing 'till my feet hurt (unrelated)

Much fun has been had over the past couple of days, but I would first like to note how much of an absolutely bonehead I actually am. First, I got DSL in my apartment (oh happy day!). Next, I got DSL working with my Linux machine (oh happy day!). Next, I found that DSL broke my internal network ...

07/06/2000 02:09 :: on saying things a day too late

another lonely tv my dsl connection is now working, for the most part, but that doesn't mean that I don't still have amazing amounts of lag to the server. at least the connection has stayed up for the most part. who knows. we'll see how this works out and make a decision in a bit. the fir...

07/03/2000 01:03 :: on rocking and rolling. also, clarifying.

my head is too heavy and i am having trouble keeping it on my neck. the air outside my apartment is cool. the air inside my apartment is hot and wet. i danced all friday night. all night. i walked home tired and invigorated. well, i walked to the bus that was running at 5:30 in the morning ...

06/30/2000 12:10 :: media whore

Telling tale of our times. ...

06/25/2000 03:05 :: on meeting strangers and dotcomming it

Part I I paced back and forth on the platform outside the silver tube known as the Harlem Hudson Metro North train to Bewster North. 4:48. I had thought that there was going to be a 4:18 train that would have gotten me in a 5:08 but alas I was mistaken and was going to be late getting home to ...

06/23/2000 12:22 :: on becomoing a mindless drone

I will now write about what it is like to become a mindless drone in corporate America even though I work for a company with two founders, one full-time employee (me) and two full-time summer interns (students at the school where all the full time folk went not so long ago). I work for a startup ...

06/21/2000 00:30 :: on life outside of work. also, sleep.

the towels are all in the wash, which means that i have to dry my hands, greasy from the cold turkey taco left-overs that I'm eating, on my pants. my apartment now smells like so many monestaries as i have just rediscovered incense. is it a cleansing thing? or a calming thing? not really sure....

06/18/2000 21:39 :: on drills and shoes. unrelated.

it is now that i start swearing incessantly. the people in the apartment upstars are constructing something requiring a lot of drilling. i walked upstairs to hear buckets, sounding like five gallon buckets filled with screws being dragged around the floor, my ceiling. my entire apartment shakes...

06/16/2000 03:12 :: on a tale told right, about a night

I find myself wondering whether the fact that I had no hot water while doing my dishes tonight reflects on the fact that I will no hot water tomorrow morning with which to take a shower. I think perhaps that I don't care so much, that it might wake me up as I will be tired. She told me that I j...

06/14/2000 06:32 :: on dancing and not caring about work

to write this all out now before i forget it, the words already falling away from me so soon after it happend. there was an interview. the interview came after dinner which came after scanning inprints for an artist, the mother of my friend, who sculpts stone. the scanning went well, the art d...

06/13/2000 01:29 :: on returning home, again

i swatted a moth into the printer. it fluttered around in the toner cartridge and then got its feet stuck in the foam. it escaped but then i swatted it again and damaged its wing. so i had to kill it and throw it in the toilet. it was dive-bombing my head and i am an ogre. there were too ma...

06/10/2000 03:19 :: on the smile of a girl as you walk away

I will now complain about something about which I have any right to complain. We went to a reading today, by an author named Shannon Olson. Her book, "Welcome to My Planet *Where English is Sometimes Spoken" sounded interesting from the brief description that I found of it on Amazon, so Seth and...

06/08/2000 22:58 :: on food and houses and personal ads

Catherine is single! (she just wanted everyone to know) So I've been having issues galore with my dialup service lately. Now I guess I really have nothing to complain about, since I either use free services or I steal service, but still, it's annoying to know that the only place that I can log ...

06/07/2000 16:19 :: on the safety of the streets

Watch where you point that thing, someone could get hurt. ...

06/06/2000 21:53 :: on being appropriate and painful asses, missed opportunities

I thought it rather appropriate, given the state of the Internet today and all that, that in this morning's Globe, in the technology section, I had read the page on all of the companies receiving their venture funding and whatnot, I saw that piece and turned the page to find Obituaries and death...

06/03/2000 03:15 :: on lounging about and getting wet and vice versa

i spent the night looking through their window. well, not the whole night, but much of the night. and now he's there, beer bottles on the window sill. brown brown. green. brown brown. green green. and a wine bottle. he's wearing a wife-beater. god, what an awful name for a shirt. i can't ...

06/01/2000 18:06 :: on summertime and sports bras

Summer has hit and it's hit hard. I woke up this morning to the alarm clock, Simone got out of bed to shower and I fell back asleep. I decided that I was not, in fact, going to go in to the office today, before even realzing that it was going to be incredibly hot out. She trotted off to work, a...

06/01/2000 00:25 :: on finishing what was started

This is perhaps the longest single event or weekend that I've ever written about continously. Or rather, the single longest story ever told about a single event. Yeah, that's more accurate. There was that Chicago thing. And SXSW never even got written, I don't think. And this, this little tr...

05/31/2000 19:55 :: on falling asleep and meeting crazy people

I was writing last night and I fell asleep. On my couch. Again. I've been doing this a lot since I've gotten my couch back to my apartment. Have I mentioned that this couch (which is actually a futon folded into a couch) has cowboys on it? I bet I have. I love my couch. But I fell asleep o...

05/30/2000 21:40 :: on traveling the city and seeing theatre

I went to the dance last Friday. I wore my vinyl pants (a bit too big, but still shiny!) and even had someone shout, as I passed through a crowd "Nice pants!" Nostalgia all around, even for a few months ago, for that other life I had. The dance was good. It was fun, I had fun, and that's ab...

05/29/2000 03:08 :: on going home and is this home? and broadway.

I generally start this type of entry by reaching behind the computer and turning on the desk lamp. I then walk to the back of the room and turn off the overhead light. The desk lamp is pointed back against the red wallpaper in the computer room in my parents' house. My old house. My home? As ...

05/25/2000 12:07 :: a revalation of yesterday lost today

I was close. I was really close. I was talking with Jarrett about my job and he had noted to me that maybe, if I just tried to incorporate more of the community elements which I like so much into this product, that maybe I would enjoy it more. Sure, there's no money in it, but I can let the bus...

05/23/2000 02:26 :: that human experience, and some shoes.

I am currently poised to do a lot of writing, but will, by the end of whatever it is that I am currently spewing, be completely bored with myself and will inevitably end this much sooner than I would given an infinite amount of time and a limitless attention span. As it stands, I feel sick, and I...

05/21/2000 18:02 :: there is a train ride and a girl. i'm hot too.

As an explanation for my current mindset, we must set the stage. I am sitting at home on a Sunday afternoon. My ceiling is pounding with the sounds of my upstairs neighbors bowling or moving furniture or something similar. They do this every Sunday. I left Rachel at the Greyhound terminal. S...

05/18/2000 19:32 :: an evaluation of my boston friends

Since I've moved to Boston I've made two new friends. I've found some old friends, and I've kept in touch with people from school, but as for people whom I met up here and spent any time with, that'd be two people. I've been here six months. So we figure that this two friends thing is not rea...

05/18/2000 14:11 :: i'm really really trying to work here!

sit on my ass. look at the monitor. try to think. drink my water. look at monitor. try to think. drink water. out of water. stand up. rub my ass (cramped). walk over to the water cooler. realize that we're down to our last water bottle. realize that i already called the water cooler pe...

05/17/2000 12:24 :: a daylog of sorts, just because i can.

I just did my nails and kind of screwed them up. Oh well, I'll fix them before the concert tonight. I don't recall when I started doing my nails with any sort of regularity, or on my own. I remember sitting on the stage in the lab and letting Danah do them sometime sophomore year. Then later th...

05/17/2000 00:41 :: payback at the movie theatre.

Everything was happy today. The world basically looked down and smiled. It was pretty amazing. I got to work a bit later than I have been recently, rolling in at around 9:45 and, not to my surprise at all, nobody was there yet. This was an expected executive outing, and I was glad to have the ...

05/15/2000 10:54 :: alive and kicking, finally.

Weather does wonders for one's outlook on life. I walked out the door this morning expecting another scorcher as I had been awoken by the sun beating down on my head, my lack of shades bothering me once again, though probably not enough to actually motivate me to go buy anything. When I walked ...

05/12/2000 09:52 :: childhood lost, or some such thing.

I have all of these friends who are still in college. It's been a year since I've left. One year. Graduation is next week, and I try to figure out what it is that I've done in the last year. Am I proud of what I've done, what I've been doing? That's pretty much an open-ended question that I ...

05/11/2000 19:15 :: tired from sex and stuff

i'm having trouble keeping my eyes open right now from lack of sleep, and yet i'm still planning on going to a concert tonight at which the main act does not go on until midnight. what exactly am i thinking? i'm thinking that i need more human contact. i'm so very Lacking in that department ri...

05/08/2000 09:36 :: a shitty monday after a good weekend.

today is the start of another cell phone billing cycle. it's also the day that my college email account stops works. it's also monday. that should probably say it all. i walked to work with a crick in my back from the weight of my shoulder bag (i must get a backpack) and had this impending s...

05/05/2000 00:08 :: my life, interrupted

so there's all this stuff going through my head right now that i'm trying to get a handle on. and it's just not working. i mean really not working. on the level of "what exactly am i doing in this city and job and what should i be doing with my life anyway and am i even good at anything any mor...

05/03/2000 01:17 :: a concert and some sore legs

so there was this concert. it was a good concert, i thought, as far as concerts go, but i am now left strangely dissatisfied. (i would like to note that the show itself was really neat, and they did some amazing things with video screens and big images of drops of water and fire and people unde...

04/29/2000 15:54 :: i like soup.

i had this intense desire to recount every moment of this boring saturday a couple of hours ago. i was sitting in front of the computer and i came across some weblog (weblog still feels like a dirty word for some reason) and i noticed that it was updated today, and it made some mention about a we...

04/28/2000 16:01 :: nap, interrupted

so i was lying there all peacefuly-like, actually having a decently good dream which didn't involve sex or dying (though I don't think i've ever had a dream which incorporated both) when i was rudely awoken by someone talking to me. i should be pissed, but i really can't be. see, this nap was k...

04/25/2000 15:10 :: an outdoor food adventure

I had a particularly lovely lunch today consisting of some particularly crappy food from KFC. really though, the food wasn't what made the experience. what made it so wonderful was that, for the first time since i left new york, i ate lunch outside. i sat on the loading dock outside the offi...

04/24/2000 02:13 :: words discovered; lazy day

the computer was off, dishes done, teeth brushed and i was heading to bed. until i realized that i really wasn't going to want to write tomorrow at work, so i'd better do it now, and stuff. what the fuck? why am i addressing you (who are you?) and why do i care about this context? context. ...

04/21/2000 10:36 :: driving without a clue; weird dreams.

Flashing lights from a cruiser down the road as I walk to my office, newspaper in hand, ready to tackle another exciting day. The cop saunters up to the window of the van, as cops always do. The window opens. "Sir, do you know how ugly this car is?" "Well, I..." "You bought it in the 80s didn...

04/20/2000 11:53 :: skills be gone; web love.

( please note: the soundtrack to my life is still Blue Man Group's Audio ) i went to a passover seder last night. it's been a long time since i did that. high school perhaps? girl i was dating at the time? was that the last one? i don't even remember. well it doesn't matter. not one bi...

04/17/2000 12:02 :: fun followed by a weekend of no fun.

this update finds me in the office for the third day in a row. after having just come off of a weekend, this would seem rather odd. as we will soon discover, the life at a startup is one filled with deadlines and tight schedules, and it doesn't really care about what day of the week it is. the...

04/13/2000 13:01 :: labyrinth. nerves. hands.

Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours and my kingdom as great! You have no power over me. Ben just sent me that. Out of the blue. I ...

04/12/2000 10:00 :: a song upon waking. anticipation of poetry

i woke up this morning with the carpenters' song "Sing, Sing A Song" stuck in my head. You know. Sing, sing a song Sing out loud Sing out strong Sing of good things not bad Sing of happy not sad. there's more here but i really don't care that much. of course I didn't know that it was the c...

04/10/2000 11:05 :: hi, you're reading this.

it goes like this. i woke up this morning feeling ok, i mean, i didn't get enough sleep, but i've discovered something. i need sleep between the hours of, say 4am and 10am. if i go to sleep at midnight and i wake up at 6, i'm totally wrecked and can't remember whenere i put my pants the night ...

04/09/2000 12:37 :: how meta

this is really ridiculous. i think that this journal thing is taking over my life. oh. right. so i was in the shower this morning, no, it's afternoon already. i was in the shower just now because even though i've been up since 10 and since i really got up at 8 and just lay in bed for a while...

04/08/2000 11:59 :: happy saturday

It is always interesting to see what transpires when members of what I will losely call the "online community" meet each other for the first time. Inevitably, what happens is that these people will meet each other, socialize, try to find some common ground either related to, or completely separat...

04/06/2000 01:54 :: dinner magic.

i'm eating triscuits and cheese, having only gulped down a cup of instant oatmeal before rushing off to catch the bus to take me to the bar downstairs from which an open mic was occuring where i was supposed to meet a girl with whom i'd only emailed until that point. the triscuits and cheese lea...

04/05/2000 15:23 :: superstring

i was under the assumption that i am a reasonably intelligent person. actually, no. i've got a fairly bloated ego, so i was figuring that i'm a very intelligent person. at least my parents have always told me so. and i get very fed up with people who aren't that intelligent. however. i wa...

04/02/2000 23:11 :: learning is good

i really need one of those kneeling chairs. my chair just isn't comfortable, and i'm really afraid that i'm going to do some serious damage to myself if i keep going like this. it's all about a combination of a bad monitor height, bad keyboard, bad chair and not so good lighting. (actually, i j...

03/26/2000 02:19 :: fatasses!

a suitable ending to the evening i walked out of delihaus (home to the cutest waitresses in boston), grabbed myself a copy of the weekly dig alternative free paper in order to read to the rest of the gang why relationships are like zelda (because you get through the first three levels like butter ...

03/25/2000 02:13 :: moonlight

the waxing moon shines brightly tonight unencumbered by passing clouds. looking out there reminds me of a still autumn night with a cool breeze passing through my window. ah, the point. the point is that there is a double moon in my life tonight as the image is reflected off the second pane of ...

03/22/2000 02:37 :: hax0r

well then. a day at work staring at the monitor but for an hour or so asleep on the couch, and i return home to two hours of downtime sitting in my chair, feet propped up on the ottoman (an entire empire, reduced to a footstool), laptop slowly warming my lap, chatting on a computer. when was t...

03/20/2000 15:31 :: abstraction

i spent the weekend in new york. visiting friend unseen for months, weeks, and years. three years is a long time to go without seeing a friend, and it's nice to know that things change so very little over time. i've tried unsuccessfully now twice to write my South By Southwest story. The ...

03/06/2000 23:12 :: sex, money, power

"most everything is about race, sex, money or power or all of the above" - my father the office is empty with the guys off in LA trying to get content for the product. work was work, which means that i sat on my ass for about 10 hours and hacked some html and yelled at some tech support people ...

03/05/2000 02:24 :: alive

walking home, planning what to say, what to write, watching the world mold itself around me. a car stops and a girl jumps out, shouts her goodbyes to her friends in the car and runs to the door. a high school student, out too late, worried that her parents are waiting up for her. hoping to sl...

02/29/2000 01:19 :: rock and roll in my pants

ooh, happy leap day! the problem with a concert with seats is that i tend to fall asleep once the lights dim down low. i believe that my father had the same problem, in that every time the lights would go out for a slide show, his head would hit the conference table. this is no comfort to me. ...

02/28/2000 15:06 :: voices

i need someone to talk to. there's nobody around. ugh. boston. ugh. job. yo la tengo good though. ...

02/23/2000 13:24 :: introspective

rachel sent me this kerisey character sorter thing the other day. and i realized that it'd been a while since i did one, and i feel like i've changed a lot as a person, so i decided to see what it had to tell me. Keirsey Character Sorter Results Idealists Healer iNFp Healer Idealists ar...

02/21/2000 00:16 :: is chicago, is not chicago (is fucking st. louis)

Some people have parts that are so private they themselves have no knowledge of them. that's what my computer said to me when i logged into it tonight. the really funny thing about that is that i thought that it read Some people have pants that are so private they themselves have no knowl...

02/17/2000 23:48 :: chi-town

gone fishing. wish you were here. ...

02/14/2000 10:34 :: money!

i went furniture shopping, and while i didn't particularly find anything in the couch department which really suited me, I think that it was more than that. i don't think that i'll ever see boston as more than a transition city for me, despite what i try to tell myself, and as such, can't really ...

02/10/2000 01:27 :: liquor mart

i spend all day in front of a computer only to come home and spend all night in front of a computer. it's a wonder i'm not blind by now with little stumps where my hands used to be. i was walking to work the other day when i saw a woman, leaning back from the weight of her unborn child in her b...

02/03/2000 01:49 :: dancing fool

tuesday night, i went dancing. and i realized that i was having such a good time that i forgot to be a wallflower and watch everyone else bopping around and all that. i just danced and had a good time. tonight, on my way home from watching an obscene amount of television, i passed by a group o...

01/29/2000 01:02 :: rock the haus

i tried desperately find something to do tonight, and someone to do it with. that didn't really work too well. so i did the next best thing: home improvement things. or at least that was going to be the plan. stopped off at the hardware store on the way back to the office and gather the sup...

01/18/2000 00:18 :: these are the people in your neighborhood

I know very little about the people and the town in which i live. I have been in this apartment for two and a half weeks now, and I have met one of my neighbors, saw another one in a bathrobe, and said hi to a guy who lives upstairs whose name I have subsequently forgotten. I walk the same rout...

01/12/2000 23:19 :: you've got mail

i have finally moved in, in the eyes of the great, unseen force in the universe. i have received my ValPak coupon envelope. i mean, sure, it was addressed to "resident" but i like to believe that it is the level of familiarity and comfort that the people at the ValPak corporation feel with me t...

01/11/2000 00:43 :: death by fridge

"we don't do cleaning," he told me this morning as he stood looking into my fridge. i had been awoken by a loud banging on my door. here to look at the crap under my sink. wonderful, would you mind sniffing the fridge while you're here? oh, there's nothing wrong with it? clean it? um... un...

01/06/2000 01:33 :: get up, stand up

You should not rely so much on your remote control. Sure, it's a convenient thing to have, but every once in a while, I think that it's very important to get up and change your surroundings. I say this now because I have just moved into my new apartment. Mine. I signed the lease and all th...

01/02/2000 00:53 :: y2k, baby.

last night, as i stood in the cold jersey air, away from the drinks and the music, as i smelled the fireworks in the air, last night, as i stood alone and smiled at the magic in the world, i thought to myself how awful it is that there is so much cynicism around me. first words of the new year, ...

12/31/1999 02:00 :: the streets are alive...

it's really amazing. i've found on my morning walk to work that the streets in allston, where our office is located and where i will be living come monday, are dirtier than the streets in new york city. i mean new york has its smells and its fair share of shit littering the streets, but what you...

12/28/1999 00:50 :: on the road again

i spend my entire life moving. tomorrow i will move a large chunk of my belongings up to Boston. for the first time in a long time i will have my own address. we will see how long this one lasts. i think that i blocked out all three months that i spent in new york. i was talking to a frie...

12/18/1999 22:59 :: if you lived here, you'd be home by now

i feel compelled to write about a couple of things. i've always said that the one thing that i really love about the internet is that you can be anybody, and that who you are really doesn't matter. actually, those are two separate things, but i actually do live both of them. the latter is the o...

12/15/1999 01:13 :: untitled

I told some guy in a BU tshirt that the last time I tried astral projection was last week and that it was a lot of fun but not recommended unless you're really tired or drunk. last night i went to go see an apartment. the apartment just wasn't for me, being small and kinda ick, but as an added b...

12/12/1999 10:41 :: two weeks in beantown

it certainly has been a crazy two weeks. "so, i'm not all too happy with my job, i guess i'll move to boston." not the normal reaction to being dissatisfied with the current state of things, but it did certainly get me going again. I had lost momentum in the big city, which is about the worst t...

11/27/1999 01:52 :: old at 40.

i'm turning into a regular old fogey. or maybe it's just that i have a hard time reconciling web pages of 19 year olds talking about when they were "young and naive." i mean fuck, that's when you're supposed to be young and naive. if by 19 you're supposed to be old and learned, then at 22 are ...

11/26/1999 02:01 :: can you go home again?

i'm at home again. for real. for two days. the last day of work happened, the thanksgiving with mom's side of the family happened. as far as the timeline of my life right now goes, thanksgiving with dad's side of the family has to happen, and then comes the move to Boston. I am both completel...

11/25/1999 00:03 :: the end of days

i just heard seagulls. this life which i have been living for three months drew to a close today as i walked into my boss's office and lay my pager on his desk. "so, you're out of here, huh?" he asked me, and i had to do my best to assure him that i was in fact sorry that i was leaving and tha...

11/19/1999 :: i'm back, and none too soon

i was on a train full (trainful?) of school kids the other day. they were loud and they were obviously having the time of their lives. and they were singing the same songs that we used to sing as kids. "miss lucy had a steambot..." and i couldn't help but smile. and i almost pummelled the pe...

11/12/1999 :: the circus has come to town

mums the word, but big things are afoot. though i can't say because, you know, don't wanna spill any beans all over the floor. have to pick them up. big old mess. just means i have to finish up work projects in a timely matter. stting in a coffee shop "if i haad a 14 million dollars i'd be h...

1999/11/07 :: the drawer

in the west village in new york city, there is a cafe. i have no idea where it is, though i know it's right near fiddlesticks. in this cafe, in the back room, on the righthand side of the room against the back wall, there is a table with three chairs around it. in this table is a drawer, and in ...

11/02/1999 :: nostalgia 'round the world

yes, i'm still at work. no, i don't really have a good reason. yes, i'm leaving soon. i went back to school this past weekend. and though i was considering it a by-product of me "not being able to let go" my friend did point out to me that it's not so strange feeling a longing for a place th...

10/22/1999 :: oh where?

it's early, and i'm exhausted. oh, no, wait. it's late. i have large decisions ahead of me. maybe i have the opportunity to leave town and go to a new city and play with some kids doing a startup thing. maybe i will really dig it. but maybe i should listen to what my heart tells me. which is ...

10/18/1999 :: oh god why is it monday

i am incredibly tired and while i thought that the new infrastructure of the old site at work was going to launch today and while i got out of bed kinda early and suffered through 40 minutes of rush hour being cramped against this big guy reading some magazine about some people making more money th...

10/14/1999 :: raindrops on mittens

i find it unseasonably warm tonight. so comfortable, in fact, that i walked home from arlene grocery tonight where i went to see a friend of catherine's play. short sets, i stayed for two bands, each an hour, including setup time, which made for sub hour long sets. but much fun. and while my pri...

10/04/1999 :: tv?

there's an ad on tv which i've seen recently, and i'm not even sure what it's for, but it involves a mother handing her husband's briefcase to her son to take to school in the chaos of the morning. regardless of what the commercial is for, it ends with the kid looking at te papers in the case and ...

09/28/1999, 01:30 :: life imitates art, right?

it was really like watching a really bad play. stereotypes abounded as the two men in the subway performed mediocre dialogs in completely overacted characters. the struggling acting student, complains loudly about the "annoying bitches" in his acting class, and how he was going to sit down in the...

09/20/1999 01:00 :: i like the fall

i'm not sure if it's really the fall yet, but it sure feels like it. and as i look out over the river at new jersey i realize that i'm not really going to be having this view for much longer. but for the time being, i will enjoy myself as much as i can, bree sharp playing in the background, my ne...

09/12/1999 16:10 :: alive?

this page has no design not so much beause i haven't been able to design (though that's probably some of it) but more because i have not been able to come with with any sort of internal structure for the site. technology getting in the way of the content which it is supposed to be presenting. how ...

09/07/1999 20:22 :: zuppa!

i'm sitting here at work sniffing my cup of spicy black beans and orzo soup feeling strangely dissatisfied with everything. there's a lot of soul searching going on, and not one lick of it has to do with the work that i'm doing right now. or rather, that might be the problem. the work that i do...

09/03/1999 09:53 :: something something and a boat

he walked around the office with this little grin on his face. it is a grin that he always has, but this time it was more of a "all the grownups are gone so we're going to do something fun" kind of a grin. 1:45 we were told. meet out in the reception area and we're going for a boat ride. it's ...

09/01/1999 11:25 :: elastica

i dug out my elastica cd which I haven't listed to in forever because it seemed appropriate. more likely than not it was because there was an elastica song on downtown last night and i was reminded of that concert i went to freshman year. but it's nice and upbeat and reminds me of college, which ...

08/30/1999 09:10 :: summer's end

i suppose the highlight of the weekend was the time spent in the Johnny Rockets in Hoboken. See, this weekend was the weekend when we were supposed to go wandering around different neighborhoods getting a feel for what they were like and where we might want to live. Housing plans may have changed...

08/26/1999 12:15 :: let it rain

the nice thing about a break in the routine is that it gives you a chance to look at life just a little bit differently. this morning the train was chugging along rather slowly, which might have annoyed most commuters. but as i looked out of the window i saw trees that i'd never seen before, hous...

08/22/1999 :: the start of a new life

"i've figured out why you were so intimidating standing outside the theatre," she said as we lay heads at opposite ends of the couch facing each other, legs and bodies squished together to keep from falling off the edge. "it's because when you're sitting there, expressionless, you look so 'cool.' ...

08/17/1999 09:50 :: untitled

the rules that we've all learned today is never to do server upgrades while tired. in the process of upgrading motives last night, i lost my mail spool (but only mine, luckily, not any of our users') and fucked up my zone file for storytime.org which means that for the next couple of hours all of...

08/15/1999 09:39 :: untitled

ah! i've finally gotten a taste of what my life should be like and hopefully i'll be able to keep the momentum going until i get sick of it, rather than the other way around. friday night i spent with some friends from high school. four years went by and we just picked up right wher we left off...

08/12/1999 20:49 :: untitled

and i so want to write right now. just sit down and let the words run out of my mind and onto the metaphorical page (which is really the computer, and i guess there are pages... never mind). but they won't. so i can't. blame much of it on the fact that i'm sitting in the office because i have ...

08/11/1999 09:00 :: untitled

"The bad monster ran away," said the boy, who clung to his mother and asked her if any of the wounded children had done anything wrong. the world is truly a strange place. waking up this morning to the news, i was watching reports about no fewer...

08/09/1999 17:19 :: untitled

today is just a life sucking day. i was doing so well up to this point, but now i can barely keep myself from slipping into unconsciousness. it's really lunch that does it to me. i've got to either stop eating lunch, or, i don't know what. all i know is that i eat lunch and all of a sudden i l...

08/08/1999 01:02 :: late night in the city

wow, it's pretty late for a worknight. and i get to be up right now because i can wake up a whole hour later than usual tomorrow because i am living in the city right now. this is pretty exciting. of course this isn't permanent. i'm just house-sitting. but it's pretty cool. now all i have to ...

08/06/1999 00:27 :: i am totally enamoured of the city

i am totally enamoured of the city. it's amazing. everywhere i go i want to smile. i want to smile at people. i realize of course that they'll think that i'm completely off my rocker. but that's okay, because this city is growing on me. though talking to maura at the company happy hour (free...

08/05/1999 00:26 :: the new life begins

and so the new life begins. the life where i really don't mind staying at work until all hours of the night just to work on the project. it's almost like being back in school, except that now i'm going to have somebody running quality assurance tests on my code instead of just looking at it and s...

08/04/1999 00:04 :: untitled

i have found my new favorite show on tv. well, maybe two. we'll have to see tomorrow how downtown stacks up against daria. especially seeing as i'm now all part of this supposed lifestyle (or at least bordering real close to the one) being portrayed in downtown, i might as well see what i'm gett...

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