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Sunday November 11, 2001, 03:46

With my life falling back into the work cycle (with a twist -- a walk to the office rather than a subway ride, reminiscent more of Boston than of New York, if only in the walk for New York would never, really, remind me of Boston) I am discovering, once again, less and less time for leisure, less and less going on in my brain, less and less actually happening actually being processed for later dissemination into the world. Which is sort of sad when you think about it. Or at least when I think about it.

I have been reading less. I have been writing less. I have been doing much less and have been working much, much more and watching more and more television, simply because it is nice to have the echoing of something that isn't the droning of the same music that I listen to all the time or the same tapping of the keyboard. Working at home, it was often my desire to leave the house, to go out and interact with different people to have some life outside the world that consisted of the walls that surrounded me from the moment that I woke up to the moment I fell asleep at night. Such are the perils of the home office.

Now, I got to work. I tackle big programming problems and type away all day and come home and want nothing more than to curl up with the television, which requires no input, no stimulus, and yet provides an unlimited source of distraction, if not something resembling friendship and real human interaction. Real in a fake, media sort of a way.

Not that the television actually finds itself on for any extended period of time as it is. I tend to find myself berating myself for turning on "that awful box" and wind up sitting, instead, in front of the other "awful box" that I can at least convince myself is doing some good by stimulating my brain and attempting to create something out of nothing, or at least something form the void that has been my brain as of late.

Regrettably, that always tends to end badly as well with me looking at the clock and realizing that I've just wasted a perfectly good evening that could have been spent "bettering myself" in some way in front of a computer doing nothing more than reading the brilliant things that my friends and strangers have written and sighing to myself something like "wow, I've not written in so long" before not writing once again.

Productive, of sorts, was creating a little label for one of my burned cds today, made for me by a friend's roommate and containing two albums from a particular band1 combined onto one cd and requiring a custom label containing all the songs from two said albums. It was perhaps a good fifteen minute project accompanied by the sense of accomplishment that one feels after completing a pseudo-arts n' crafts project involving paper and scotch tape. And a computer printout of two track listings from one band. So there was very little art involved in the process. But the crafts more than made up for it. Crafts which, of course, would have been a lot more interesting if I had actually taken the time to involve some arts into the project (hence the original term) but neglected to for lack of interest or perception of "time" to do such a thing2.

So really, what's the problem? Is it that it's getting cold and that all I really want to do is hibernate? That would be the easy answer and one that I could live with if that was the only answer. But it doesn't seem like it. Winter is always an exciting time, what with the potential for snow around every corner, and all the interesting things to come along with snow, like a city silenced, if only for a couple of hours (or a whole day even!) or the excitement that comes from the realization that a new year is just around the corner.

What is the problem indeed3?



1. Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies

2. As is often the case with arts and crafts projects, this one too came into existence as a means of procrastination from the inevitable work that one must do when in the somewhat full-time contract employ of a web company while still trying to maintain other projects on the proverbial side while performing on-going maintenance of more projects still that exist from another life and yet still linger, like bad cheese.

3. Not enough long walks, I gather, which is the be alleviated by, well, taking more long walks.

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