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Tuesday June 13, 2000, 01:29

i swatted a moth into the printer. it fluttered around in the toner cartridge and then got its feet stuck in the foam. it escaped but then i swatted it again and damaged its wing. so i had to kill it and throw it in the toilet.

it was dive-bombing my head and i am an ogre.

there were too many people in business suits coming home on the 9:48 Harlem Hudson line out of Grand Central Station tonight. presumably, they were working late. and then they had to travel back to the suburbs. to their homes. to their cars parked in the parking lots at train stations outside of New York City.

I was not wearing a suit, but I was in town for work. And then for not work. we walked through the rain to a restaurant where I paid too much money for penne with tomato and fresh basil. he had vegetable cous cous which turned out to be vegetables and cous cous. and a side of french fries.

we sat and we watched the people walk by, in the rain. we ate. we maneuvered plates and water glasses. dinner was followed by coffee. an american coffee for him. caffe latte for me. we sat and talked about boys. and girls. people, jobs. internet portals for men. cyberbabes. and it rained outside.

I don't like this keyboard. The keys are too small and I have to press to hard to make them feel right. The chair I am sitting in squeaks every time I move. So I will be careful not to move.

I am in New York again and when I got to the city it said "Hi there. Welcome home."

There was a conference. I have the bag of literature and pens to prove it. I also have two beach balls and a little toy car. Anda balsa wood airplane. Next to me is a little squishy dog with "Pfizer" printed on its butt. I did not get the dog at the conference. It was not that kind of conference.

This morning I read a play that I could not find in four bookstores in Boston. I did not check the Boston library because I did not even give it enough credit to have a book that I could possibly want. I filled out the little card with the number and my name and the title of the book and other information. The piece of paper was placed in a tube and was shot down to a magic room where elves gathered up my book from the book fairy and placed it on the elevator where it was carried up to the room where i was sitting. My number appeared on the light-up board and I claimed my book.

That was also the room with all the internet terminals.

I did not read with the internet terminals. I went across the hall where I sat and read and an old man placed his hand on my shoulder because he thought I was his grand-daughter. My cellular telephone buzzed (silently, because I was in a library, but not only because) and I dashed out to what I thought was a safe zone but was directed out even further. And I missed the call.

But I knew who it was.

Lunch was at a deli that was not the Carnegie deli but which had better matzoh ball soup (supposedly). The waitress made fun of us because we were wishy-washy about our drinks. And because we were carrying conference paraphernalia which branded us with the mark of tourist.

Neither of us was.

The 4/5 runs from 14th Street to 42nd Street Grand Central Station. It is an express.

Tomorrow I will go back to a place that I now call home, where I am not registered to vote and where my license says I do not live. Some of my stuff is there, which does count for a lot.

The overhead light is out and before I started writing I reached back and turned on the desk lamp pointed at the red patterned wallpaper. There is a picture of my sister in the light. It was taken by my cousin. In the picture, my sister is young, and she is wearing a cute dress and a white sweater. She is smiling.

Next to that picture is another one. I am standing with my mother, her sisters, and my sister. I am wearing a jacket with patches on it. The patches are from sports teams.

The jacket was a hand-me-down.

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