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January 02, 2000, 00:53

last night, as i stood in the cold jersey air, away from the drinks and the music, as i smelled the fireworks in the air, last night, as i stood alone and smiled at the magic in the world, i thought to myself how awful it is that there is so much cynicism around me.

first words of the new year, after "happy new year" were "why didn't anything blow up?"

sure, it's just an arbitrary date in history, the day that my checks become no longer valid. the day that the number nineteen turns into twenty for millions of school children who will have to date their homeworks on monday as 1/3/2000. it is a day like any other, except that on this day, people find reason to celebrate.

sure, it might not be the "actual" end of the millenium. sure, that might come next year, but that really isn't the point, now is it? because next year will be just some arbitrary day just like this year's new year was as well. but what makes this year so special is the fact that everyone makes it special. for one day, there is something that binds everyone together.

and i think all of this, and i think of why my friends are so cynical, and i realize that there is no bond. there is nothing that people can latch onto in order to give themselves some sense of identity. killings in high schools bring communities together, missions to the moon used to mean something.

i realized today that the space shuttle has been shooting up and down for some time now and it is no longer news worthy. why was did the Challenger shuttle mission have such a great impact on everyone? because everyone was watching it. if that were to happen today, it would be like an airplane crash, or a car accident. it would strick a little blow, and life would move on.

we need. no. i need. i need something to latch onto. i can't make it up on my own. i'm not strong enough for that. i'm not creative enough for that. i don't have the energy.

i need that force to come from the outside. and i think everyone else would benefit from it as well.

we live in a time where there are no more heros. where all the heros are unsung and unseen. great discoveries and great victories are hidden behind the cloud of talk shows and sitcoms. why is it that game shows are making a come back? is it the chance to make a lot of money? perhaps. but more than that, the game show brings our country back to a time when community, in the broad sense of the community of the television-watching population of america, could rally around the man in the little booth who was going to make it big, who was going against the odds and would come out victorious.

that man would be our hero.

and i think that we are struggling to find our heros in today's crazy world.

time will tell what heros will rise out of our society, but i hope it doesn't take too long.

i'm tired of the cynics.

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