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November 26, 1999, 02:01

i'm at home again. for real. for two days. the last day of work happened, the thanksgiving with mom's side of the family happened. as far as the timeline of my life right now goes, thanksgiving with dad's side of the family has to happen, and then comes the move to Boston. I am both completely ready for this, and nowhere near ready.

i keep falling into the trap of thinking how this company is going to be doing, about whether or not we're actually going to succeed, and whether or not this was a good business decision on my part, that maybe it would have just been better to stay at iTurf.

and then i have to remind myself that the reason for not staying wasn't because the money wasn't good, but because of the fact that i just wasn't mesing with the company overall. and then i have to remind myself that the reason for going is because it's gonna be cool.

and then i have to realize that the more and more i think about it, the more and more ridiculous i sound.

...

what i really want to do these days is think about alternate user interfaces. i've tried to redesign imood and it hasn't worked. i just read a User Interface Primer written by a friend of mine and realized that i'm not the creative person that i thought i was. i've been so tied into thinking about the way we use computers these days that it is virtually impossible for me to come up with anything interesting or remotely useful or cool when it comes to the way people interact with computers.

the other side of this problem is that what interests me most about computers is the human/computer interaction aspect of them. and then i realize that i've been thinking about these things all wrong.

man, what a blow to my view of the world.

not that i really know what to do to fix it. but it does mean that at least now i have a new direction to look when i approach a problem. and that's learning, right?

...

i've found myself not making much sense lately.

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