I was looking at my very own the other day, and was noticing my interactions with my friends. I seem to be happy and cheerful around them, most of the time. We have fun together. I can't deny that. In fact, I won't deny that. We do have fun together. The problems arise when our happy little group breaks for the night, day, moment, and I am left alone again.

Once this happens, I am dropped suddenly from this high down to a state of reflection (bullshit, I know, but that's what it seems like) where it really seems to me that all of the time spent laughing and talking has all been worthless. Has all been a waste, becuase at the end, I am no better for it. I might have spent the last hour alone for all the difference it's made to me.

At least that's what I tell myself at the time. Perhaps it's that I've had to leave friends behind in the past. Or maybe it's just because we all have to move on at some point. And I just can't come to terms with that, so I put myself in a constant state of denial about the validity of the friendships that I have. The sincerity of them, and whether they are really worth my time.