Happy Halloween.Righto. Here I am sitting in my room, and I have the nerve to wish you a happy halloween. I hope you're not sitting there, tonight (or whatever) reading this. Go out, have fun. Get some candy. Get sick to your stomach. Feel like a little kid again. Not that anyone's reading this. Except my parents. I think they read this. Which makes it even more bizarre.
Who exactly am I doing this for, and why am I doing it? I've been talking to my friends, well, some of them, about what's going on here. And to tell you the truth, I think I have it all figured out. Or at least, I think I do.
I have this need for attention. It's been around since I was very young, and I suppose I still have it. I don't know whether it's ever been a conscious thing, but recently I've been examining it more and more. I used to get it in elementary and middle school by being smart. When I got to high school, it was my theatre work that got me attention. Now that I'm in college, everyone else around here (or at least those who I surround myself with) are all smart. Smarter than I, as a matter of fact. So that outlet is gone. I still do a lot of theatre, but I don't feel that it's getting me the attention that I need any more. I suppose. That part's getting a little better. People know what I do, and they're happy with it. People appreciate my work and my help. But there are time when I can't help but feel like a tool.
Where does that leave me then? It leaves me looking for a new way for me to get noticed by the world. Of course, as pointed out to me today, this is really not the right place to do so, since nobody comes through here anyway, but I can always dream, right? Which leads me to another point. If you do read these pages, and they do make any difference to you, then please, let me know. I would like to at least pretend that these words are getting out into the world somehow.
Gee, that wasn't too whiney or anything... sheesh.
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