To dream the impossible dream.
Not exactly sure where the day went. All I do know is that it's amost over now, and I haven't gotten anything done. I have come to some sort of realization about my life, however.
I don't know if i have any dreams of my own. I've been thinking about this for a while, talking to people. He wants to start a virtual community. She wants to play with brains. That one wants to start a server for people to publish their own works. This one's going to start a record label.
What do i want to do? I'm sick of people telling me that i don't have to know what i want to do. I'm sick of people telling me that they've been out of school for years and they still don't know what they want to do. This doesn't help me. I want to know where i stand in the world, and I want to know that i will make an impact on the lives of others.
How i will accomplish this is beyond me.
What I do know is that I enjoy helping people realize their dreams. Knowing that they're happier makes me happy. And they're always worthwhile projects. And that's all good.
But what i strive for is the talent, the ingenuity, the creativity to do something on my own. To come up with my own ideas, to come up with my own projects, for people to want to come help me. To know that when something becomes a success, it will have been because i thought of it in the first place.
I always had dreams of being a scientist when I was a little kid. That's worn off pretty quickly (probably since I can't do math or science, both of which seem kinda important). What to do now? I've been following a path of computer science from day one here at school. Is it really the right choice for me now? I'm basically too lazy to do much else. Papers, can't do them? Problem sets, labs? Nope.
But will cs really help me in the long run? Where do i want to go, and will this help me get there? I suppose nothing's written in stone, but still, it would be nice if i was working toward some goal. Some one thing that will make me happy in the future.
But until i find it I'll continue to dream.
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