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friday, march 19, 1999, 03:37 the world was abuzz the other night. quite literally. everything was buzzing. not just the hum of the city. there was something. mechanical. alive. eeking itself into every street and every portion of the city and i could only escape it when i entered my house. anyone who used to know me would be so amused by the power that i have over things that happen these days. would be amused that my decision making abilities would actually mean anything. you see, i used to be wishy-washy. i used to be more undecisive than i am now. i think i've gottne better. i think that i am now able to make informed decsions about things, that i can actually weight evidence and be able to come to a conclusion. wow. i think college must have taught me something. first, it's taught me that i can make decisions. secondly, it's taught me that i like cute girls with shoulder-length brown hair and big pants and heart shaped faces and platform sneakers and tight shirts and sweaters. finally, it's taught me that i still can't talk to girls. but i think i can get over all of this. the problem that i have these days that either there's nobody whom i am interested in, or i'm interested in everyone. woe is me. my day today was nice. classes have become less important to me than ever. i went to class. i made a presentation. then i went to the main green where i took part in some stage combat. with broom sticks. on the steps to one of the main buildings on campus. and i'd never done it before. and i think i'm getting better. and it's a lot of fun. and people watched and looked. and the girl that i liked came over and had very little interaction with me. but it was still good. and i'm making friends, once again, mere months before i have to leave. but new friends. it's amazing. i've found people with whom i can speak. we listen to each other and we respect each other. and i haven't really found too much of than in my almost four years at this institution. which is unfortunate. after the fighting, i had callbacks for the auditions for which i have been on the casting board for the past three days. it's been an interesting process filled with lots of good and lots of bad acting. watching the same scene over and over and over again. and we finally came to a conclusion tonight. and i had to learn to be objective and not let personal feelings get in the way of good auditioning. and i couldn't do it. i could only pull off of experience and relate that to the situation at hand. and it turned out moot because the directors made the final say, but it was still interesting to see this person whom we were all judging, and having things to say and not being able to, not feeling right to, bring them up in the discussion. i guess college has taugh me another thing. compromise.
| tue |