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saturday, march 13, 1999, 03:38 "Email is for geeks and pedophiles." - Sebastian Valmont, Cruel Intentions i think i need to start writing more letters. more? who am i kidding? i think i need to start sending letters. which means that i have to get some stationary. and envelopes. and pens. i've sent out a couple iof things in envelopes in the past couple of days, and it's always really fun. there's just something so... oh, i don't know, i guess just so tangible about something like a letter. sure, i could print an email, but then i'd be like those people who print out their emails. and that'd be lame. so i need to collect the rent money. so i need to look for a job. so i need to finish projects and do school work and read plays. and i thought that i was finally getting time to myself, and it turns out that i was really just deceiving myself, that all i am really doing at this point is working myself into the ground to avoid having to worry about the future. and to what end? actually, i do not believe that i am really working myself into the ground. that is really just the martyr in myself trying to break free. all told, i really have not been working hard at all on too many different things. it just would appear that i do not ever get any work done. and i am always in front of a computer. which is unfortunate because i really like not being in front of the computer. (it is something of an addiction) ... i wonder if i am ever going to garner up the courage to ask her out. probably not. ... it is wonderful looking at the stream of kids coming into the theatre these days, eyes all aglow. they've got talent. they're still filled with this sense of wonder which my jaded eyes can only dream of ever seeing again. they've got ideas about how to change the world. the only thing i can do is think back to the days when i was. to the days when i was making a difference in the world of theater. when i was in the presence of what i perceived as genius. what actually was genius. and i am sorry that i am not able to give these kids what once was given to me. that i can't be the role model. that i can't be the guide, or the mentor. that i can not be the genius to inspire. it is now that i have outlived my usefulness here, and that it is time for me to let go. these are the new inhabitants of this world. my time has past, and their's has come. i bid to them, a welcome. and to myself, a fond farewell, and greetings from where ever i will happen to land.
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