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saturday, january 23, 1999, 02:20 it's about all i can do right now to keep my eyes open. and i'm about this close to crashing as i did last night and ending up sleeping on the couch. so i guess i'll finish this up and drag my sorry butt to bed. whihch isn't to say that i don't want to sleep. because in my sleep, i will dream. and in my dreams, there is a girl. not that i really know who this girl is in my dream. she could be real, she could be just a combination of a whole lot of girls that i know. all i know is that if i knew that girl in real life, then she'd be perfect. and is that what i'm striving for? it's troublesome really, that i could imagine the perfect girl, because doesn't this mean now that i'm stuck with this image of someone, something totally unattainable, and won't i always be finding fault in people just because don't live up to the person in my dream? okay, this is ridiculous. i can't let some dream (though it was a good dream with sex and conversation and friends and a chase scene and all this cool stuff that should get stuck into dreams) dictate how i live the rest of my life. but on the otherhand, i'm still under the impression that this person actually is alive somewhere. maybe i'm just nutso.
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