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tuesday, january 19, 1999, 01:02 this site is in desperate need of a redesign. maybe it should say "another kind of me -- doling out the same old shit for 2 years now" or something equally as annoying as that. i've been noticing this a lot lately. running across a whole lot of sites which basically say "boy, i really suck and this page sucks and everything i do sucks and can't you see that if you knew me then you might realize just how much i suck?" and really, they just piss the hell out of me. if the page really does suck as much as the person claims, then really they have no right to be posting it, because being able to recognize shit is the first step in being able to create something of substance. and if the person's life is really shit, then i suppose i really can't say anything other than get off the fucking web and fix your fucking life. ... no, i have no idea where all this anger is coming from. maybe it's a form of cabin fever, or something like that. maybe it's knowing that i have work to do which is just not getting done. ("which" or "that?" i think it's that) i've really just got a lot of pent-up energy which comes from me reading a lot of things on the web and finding a lot of cool stuff and wanting to be able to do cool stuff on my own and not being able to either out of lack of creativity or drive or a combination of the two. today i went out and spent money. and my roommate told me not to be so cheap. he actually said to me "don't be so cheap." and i realized that i am really cheap. i'm not the poor starving college student i sometimes make myself out to be. i'm not down to four dollars in my bank account which is supposed to last me from now until graduation. but on the other hand, i'm dreading the day when i actually have to move out from under this nice blanket that college has provided for me and out into the real world where rent is probably going to be three times what i'm paying now and i'll most likely have things like car insurance to deal with. maybe it's because i haven't been creative enough lately. i've been working on this really crappy website that should have been done a couple of months ago and i'm making one last-ditch effort to redeem myself, and it's really not working. so maybe if it was being more creative i wouldn't bother myself with all this other weirdo stuff which has been cluttering up my head. maybe i should write a story. maybe i should be a vet. maybe i should fly a jet. and i still haven't figure out what a foice is. (name that reference and i'll be really impressed)
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