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friday, october 30, 1998, 03:11 it's not every day that you figure out what you're going to do with your life. today wasn't everyday. i couldn't stop shaking the entire day. for the first time in my life, or at least as long as i can remember, i've been sitting here, most of the time in front of this computer, trying to figure out what i'm going to do with my life. and it always comes back to me not being satisfied with that answer that i'm giving myself and realizing that i really don't want to be working for somebody else. and it always comes down to me thinking that if only i could find something that i'm good at. that i like doing. that will help people. that could have the potential to allow me to do my theatre work and my computer work. at the same time. and it all seems like one big pipe dream because really what's going to happen is that i'm going to end up in some city somewhere whoring myself out as some database monkey and working 9-5 wearing some suit. well, all that except the suit. but what if i don't have to do that? what if i can get out of here in seven months and have a plan. the plan doesn't need to work. or rather, it'd be nice if it worked and it'll be a disaster if it doesn't, but let's just say that i have this plan. and if i have this plan it means that i actually have some sort of direction in my life and instead of floundering around looking for something to do i can flounder around working on the thing which i would like to be doing. a subtle difference, but a very important one. now this plan is going to require millions of dollars. and it involves me, and a theatre, and a recording studio and a bar and a lot of people helping me. and it's going to work. or it might flop. but i've got a plan. and i've got to try.
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