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wednesday, september 9, 1998, 00:45 it's started again, and i am afraid. i'm looking out into that place that i don't really understand called the future (or, alternately, tomorrow) and i just can't seem to place myself in that scene anywhere. i talk to other people, my friends, not my friends, and i ask them about their plans. and these people don't know what they are doing. but they have direction. while the person who can see the future is not anyone i know, there's a definite direction in mind. i can't choose what classes i'm taking this semester, except for the one that i was almost excited about which turned out to be, as if life couldn't give me a harder slap in the face, the one class which was limited enrollment which i did not happen to get in to, which means that i have to motivate myself enough, through the show and the work and everything else that i have to get done, to do the reading for a class which i might be forced to leave in a week. but now my eyes are calling me to put this first of the last to bed. first of the last. let's not think about that right now.
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