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wednesday, january 28, 1998, 03:32 And thus the fun of the new semester begins. For real now. Work, sure, but it's more than that. It's a feeling. Knowing now that things are rolling, and that with each passing day there are more and more things that I need to do. And more and more things that I keep neglecting. Life these days has been and endless cycle of classes, meetings and reading. Actually trying to keep up with my reading these days. Keeping up with that schoolwork has been a priority for me. The thing is, there really doesn't seem to be much else to get excited about. Classes are surprisingly interesting this semester, and I actually want to do all the work associated with them. Wonder how long this will last. ... Upon further examining my life, I realize that there's nothing really noteworthy to mention in here. Honestly. This scares me. There's really nothing worse than looking at yourself and realizing that there are no emotions in there, good or bad. I suppose that it's nice to get back into the swing of things, get back to board meetings, to decision meetings, to organizational meetings, to work, to theatre, and some relaxation, and yet, when I really look at what's going on in here, I realize that, well, there's nothing. i really need to clean my keyboard ... So I went ice skating today. First time in a while. First time in a long while, but hopefully not the last. Now why else does one go ice skating that to look for cute girls? No, seriously. People watching on skates is a lot of fun, skating around in endless circles, watching her from across the rink, wondering if she knows that you're following, not really following, but just, well, skating behind her for a bit until it seems that it might be obvious that you're following her at which time you have to speed up without actually looking like you're speeding up so you can skate past and then get far enough along so you can end up directly across the rink from her so you can watch her again until such point as you catch up again and start the cycle again... And of course you're not allowed to ever make any sort of contact with her. Not verbal, not eye contact. Well, not if you're me at least. After all, I can't even meet people in social situations, let alone on a skating rink (which, i suppose could be considered social in some strange way). I mean really, how do you meet people? I know that I certainly can't talk to strangers, not to say hello, not to pay them some sort of compliment, not really for anything. Funny that. The real problem is trying to anticipate a reaction, for which there can be a million-and-one. Of course it's generally not worth trying to anticipate these things, which is even worse, because not ever wanting to plunge into the unknown, I'm more likely to keep my mouth shut than be noticed by somebody. Being noticed. It's so much easier to just hang around in the background. To just sit in the back corner of the classroom and listen quietly. Once you get noticed, that's when bad things start happening. Actually, it's not so much that bad things start happening, but rather that things start happening. By staying quiet, I get to keep my nice safe little life. Hrm. Methinks it's time to change that. But how. Indeed.
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