|"Advice. And stuff."
I'm relatively intelligent. And I know some pretty smart people too. So I figure that it's about time that I share that intelligence with the rest of the world. Do you have a question? Sure you do! So ask it here!
I may, or may not, know what I'm talking about. I'm not a therapist. I'm not even really a writer. In real life, face to face, some of what I've written here might have been accompanied by a smirk or wild hand gestures. Keep it in mind.
Published on 12/30/2000Lauren asks:
Well let me first say that the notion of "only four years left" can be a very dangerous one in the forming of your perceptions of the world. If you are living at home, I can only imagine that you are either finishing up middle school or just starting high school. In either case, if all goes well, you have a long life ahead of you. If your answer to the problem at this stage of your life is to just wait a little bit longer, then the answer to any problem in the next stage of your life will be, once again, just wait a little bit longer. Don't like high school, just wait until college. Don't like college, just wait until full-time employment. Don't like that, just wait to the next job, or retirement, or what have you.
Next thing you know you'll be sucking your oatmeal through a straw and wondering where your life has gone.
I can certainly understand your frustration with your parents. Having recently re-entered the household of my childhood as part of a transitory period of my life I can say for certain that parents exist to annoy. It is their sworn duty to make your life awkward and bothersome. On the other hand, they do tend to also be human beings with feelings of their own and problems and such. That should be the groundwork upon which you build your relationship with your parents.
You ask what you did wrong in this situation, and I think that the only appropriate answer there was that you told your mother that you did not like her. Despite it being said in moderate jest it must have still stuck a chord. She was left to wonder what it could have been that she had done wrong in raising you. She, perhaps, felt like a failure. Like she had skipped class one day during parenting school and all of a sudden there was this pop quiz and she just blew it. Except that there is no parenting school and she had to learn it all as she went.
So the answer is that you probably should not have told her that you didn't like her very much. But it was said in a moment of heated tempers, and it is understandable that these words tumbled out of your mouth (and here I give you the benefit of the doubt that you really do not have your mother as much as are just a typical teenager who is completely fed up with not having any sort of independence). So what should you have done next? Apologizing probably would have been appropriate, though sometimes that does not particularly work, even when said in all sincerity. So the only thing you can do is let it sit for a while, and then go and give your mother a hug.
Woah. Physical contact? Yes. A situation like this warrants more than a half-hearted muttering of "I'm sorry." It requires a full-out admission of defeat for this particular battle. That is not to say that either party is correct in the dispute. Oh no. What it means is that you are adult enough to admit to some amount of guilt. Once this particular situation has been cleared up, the playing field has been leveled once again for the summer job discussion.
I really need someone to send me in some sillier questions. These are starting to tax my brain. Best of luck with your mom.
Well, if your family is anything like mine, you can