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Sunday March 10, 2002, 23:38

Tempting as it was to take a photograph of her ass, I opted against it. You see, I had been walking down the street and in front of me was walking a woman wearing grey spandex pants that contained her skinny legs and tremendous butt and as I walked behind her I was tempted to take a photograph, for no other reason than to say "Look! This woman had a large ass!" at which point I realized, with camera in hand, that not only would this be rude, but it would also be sick and sad and would serve no other purpose than to place me in the category of people who have albums full of other people's butts.

So I didn't.

I think I'm a better person for it, honestly.

I have finally, I believe, stopped all of my stress related to my upcoming move to London. Or at least have, for the time-being, suspended the portion of my brain that worries about the logistics involved in the actual act of moving and have instead replaced such worries with planning and scheduling and the logistics of moving the large pile of W and Harper's Bazaar off of my floor and into the recycling bin in the hall. The thing is that once the apartment has been cleaned then I can leave with a clean conscience. Looking around I realize that at this rate I might be finished with the cleaning by the time I return to this apartment. So instead I will take the remaining junk, pile it up again, and place it in my closet, where I will rediscover it upon returning.

I've begun a list of items that I need to take with me, but as of now it consists of the following: clothes, shoes, coat, computer, in-line skates, theatre tools, music. Looking around (as I've been doing to keep myself awake) I notice that there is a tremendous amount of stuff in my life right now and that most of it is not so important to my functioning as a human being.

There is a large bookcase full of shelves, and part of me is tempted to take one whole suitcase and pack it full of books (or maybe half-full of books, since those suckers get heavy) and take it to London and just read for a little while. But then I realize that I've been on something of a vacation recently after having lost my most recent contract job and have not taken the time to actually read anything, so there is no logical reason why moving continents would have any impact at all on the rate at which I consume words.

I was sitting in the park the other day reading a magazine and even reading a silly Internet industry magazine was refreshing for me. It has been so long since I've actually taken the time to read and to formulate thoughts based on the words that I'm reading and to then internalize those thoughts into something that I can then conjure up in the future. Instead it's been mostly breezing through web sites and newspapers trying to find interesting little snippets of life. Nothing substantial. Nothing real. I have to re-train myself to read slowly and deliberately, to actually understand everything that I am saying.

Fortunately, I feel as though this move (and I call it a move and not a trip for while it is still temporary and while I will be leaving the majority of my belongings here, at what I will still consider a permanent home, I am taking a step forward in my life, taking a chance on something that I believe will be wonderful and once I take that step, I will have moved forward into something completely different -- well, and the fact that I am going with the idea that I will set up a life for myself, however abridged a version it is from my real life, that will substitute for my life as it stands here, right now) will be a positive one, just in its mere existence. Anything else that comes along is just icing.

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