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Saturday November 11, 2000, 02:25

I really have nothing interesting to say about the past several, what has it been, weeks, days? Something since anything substantial, or at least since I've been back at my own computer and not my parents' hijacked computer in the very cold computer room between my bedroom and the staircase down which I fell once a long long time ago while carrying a space heater to my grandmother.

And while I am here to pack up my stuff, it does feel a bit more comfortable sitting here doing what I was doing with myself before I up and went back home and went to a wedding and started looking for apartments, and that is reading. It just feels right to sit here reading whatever news happens to come along and thinking about how I might write something about it (though the old writing brain hasn't really been acting up to snuff lately). It's nice getting back into that. And I'm looking forward to doing it again in the future. When I have my own place. Back in New York.

New York was, well, it was. Which is exactly what I was expecting. And just what I wanted. I've spent some days looking for apartments, which is both exciting (in that Ooh This Is Nice way) and incredibly hard on the nerves (in that How Much Did You Say This One Cost? way) along with some other issues that, if discussed would inevitably bring up the issues relating to money and while I'm not really trying to avoid the subject of money (illustrated by the fact that I brought it up already) it's not really what I want to be thinking of right now (given that I returned back to my apartment to a notice informing that they would be raising my rent by $175 which is fine since I'm not staying here).

So I discovered that I was at my best, over the past couple of weeks, weeks that were spent away from my apartment and most of my stuff and a time during which my mail was being held at the post office and during which time a package arrived from Norway which is very exciting indeed1, when I have had very little sleep. Actually, post-college I've developed a taste for coffee and am actually at my best after I've had very little sleep and a lot of coffee and jitters aside, the coffee really does seem to get rid of my headaches and makes me more aware and fun than I am otherwise.

Ah right, but New York. It was fun, but not too fun. And there were days that I would just wander the streets before and after any particular time when I had to be somewhere, and that was ok too. And it was reassuring to know that I didn't have to have a party all the time to feel comfortable, though I wasn't considerably comfortable the entire time I was walking around.

Interesting little tidbit. I didn't feel as at home this round as I had in the past, walking around the city. But I think I've been trying too hard. The city is not going to be home until I make it my home. Until I find a place to live and settle down will it actually be home. Settle. That's a new word. An exciting word. A scary word. A word that has so much baggage associated with it.

Baggage will not be dealt with tonight as I listen to loud people behind my building drive up and disappear into the night. I will remember instead meeting up with friends from high school at a play and going out to drinks together and talking about politics and nerdy things (because no matter what, I will always end up talking about computers in whatever conversation I have) and realizing that this is what people might do on a Wednesday night not because it's a Wednesday night, or because it is a Friday night or some other night but just because they are young and want to go out and have fun.

That is the kind of life I want to live.

To be young and pretty in New York.

I'm on my way.



1. Well not such a big deal really but some of my stories were printed in this Norwegian zine thing and I just got my copies and it's the first time, believe it or not that I've actually had anything of mine published in an actual print format, well, except for these books that I had typed up in second grade, but those were bound with cardboard covered with wallpaper and the only copies of them are sitting on my bookshelf at home, so I don't really consider them "published" per se.

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