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Wednesday July 26, 2000, 00:24

Well! That was certainly a lot of fun.

We just went and played pool. This wasn't a big organized thing where we all had to email and call and organize and oh where is so-and-so because I just can't stand to wait any longer here because there's nothing to do in this apartment but we can't just sit around because we'll just talk about how so-and-so is always late1 so we'll just be miserable. And it wasn't the sort of the thing where there were a bunch of people out and it was the end of the night and people didn't know what to do so a bunch went off and played pool while the rest went back to some undisclosed location (probably deep in the middle of the woods, or Cambridge) to have some sort of wild orgy (Note: I am not involved in or near as many orgies as I used to be which is causing me a great amount of distress).

Instead, this was just the run-of-the-mill thing that you're supposed to do when you're an unhappy adult living in a major (or fairly major given the circumstances) metropolitan area in the United States. This was just a hey-how-are-you-lets-play-pool sort of a thing. This was a we talked about it yesterday and it seemed like a good idea but it wasn't the only possible plan that I had for the evening but when you called it seemed like it would be a lot of fun sort of thing. In other words, it was fairly spontaneous2, and about as far from stressful (where stressful can be defined as trying to keep a large (where large is more than two people) group of people together and organized and happy, or my job) as I could possibly have had tonight.

In other words it was exactly what I needed.3

One of my big complaints recently has been the lack of things to do, places to go, and people to see. The people to see thing is most likely my own fault for not having the whatever it is that I seemed to have had a number of months ago to go up to total strangers and talk to them. That is definitely something that I have to work on. Things to do are still limited to bars (the billiard hall, or pool hall I suppose since it was located next to a place called "Redneck's" spelled out with large neon letters, did have a large bar in the middle of it) or clubs or the errant coffee shop (at least in my neighborhood where there seem to be only bars and liquor stores and an ice cream shop, which would be nice, I suppose, but really, it's just not the right feel). I suppose there really isn't much else to do out there in the real world, but I've got to imagine that I amused myself for fours years in college so there must be something out here to amuse me (but I then come to the realization that the amusement came from a work environment (theatre) that was much more like a play environment (no pun inteded I assure you) so perhaps what really needs to happen is that I need to get back to doing theatre which I have been given the opportunity to do but will decline as I don't think I want to commit to something if I'm not sure that I'll have the time).

As for the where to go, I think that I've taken to escaping as much as possible as I sort through all of my Frequent Flyer programs (all nicely organized in a hanging file folder labeled, appropriately enough "Frequent Flyer") and look at booking train tickets down to cities a lot more fun than this one (I convince myself of this fact so that I don't actually have to deal with my life as something that I'm living but rather as a placeholder for something "better" which is far from healthy to be sure) to see people who are presumably a lot more fun, or at least a lot different than the ones that I see here on a daily basis. Truth be told, I miss my old friends, and I'm really not sure of what it is, be it a differing in politics, or sources of entertainment, sexual orientation (or maybe it's just that openness I mean the whole "Is he gay is he straight" topic coming up just so they could figure out who would hook up with him doesn't really come up in my circle of friends these days) or outlook on life.

Maybe it's that all of the people that I really have a lot of fun with (at least in my head) are ones that don't care so much about having money because they are all resigned to not having any. Of course that doesn't really hold for my friends with money who can be lots of fun (tonight is a perfect example of that) but still, I think it's that whole, oh, I don't know. Perhaps it's the creative energy thing. Do people have energies (I know that many would argue yes and many would argue it's just a bunch of hooey) or a sort of bubble that surrounds them based on what they believe and what they feel and how they look at the world? Well of course they do (in my mind) and I know that I have a creative energy and maybe I just stick better with people who have that same sort of energy I mean maybe there's some sort of bond that forms when two bubbles of energy come together and suddenly the people in those bubbles can connect on a level just a step higher than just your everyday average acquaintance or even friend but instead gets elevated to Person Who Understand My Brain, or, in another sense, Person who doesn't so much think like me but whom I would like to have with me on the Real World just to keep the house from getting too boring with all those cameras around me all the time (and yes, I have emailed cast members from this season's program and no I have not received any responses and no, I'm not really expecting to either but yes, I am very jealous of that life and in reality I'm not sure if I'd really be that interesting to watch at all).

Point being that I've met many people in the past eight months, and while I have met many people whom I would now consider somewhere above acquaintance and somewhere below friend, I have not met too many people who would really fall into the People that I would like to hang out with because they don't scare me as much as the rest of the world category. I mean, the world is a frightening place most of the time, and it's important to surround yourself with a buffer of people that you actually enjoy being in the world with, so that you may make it just a little bit more sane. I found those people once before, and now they are all very far away.

I want them to be closer (but not too much closer right now because I smell like smoke from the aforementioned (way long time ago) billiards (or is that pool?) hall because there are of course more tables in the smoking section than in the non-smoking one and besides, all the cool kids smoke, right?).

This weekend: New York City.

1. He was late, but I was just sitting at my desk doing something very important like reading email or surfing the web or looking at my vacation pictures so it did not bother me in the slightest and I paid no mind to the fact that he was late at all (except when I called him to gibe him ever so gently about being late).

2. The spontaneous thing is important to me because it means that there is something to do in my town even if it's not necessarily something that I will always want to do. I had lost faith in the ability for me to go out and have fun (where fun is not defined as sitting in front of my computer all night listening to the soundtrack to the Piano on repeat and eating microwave pizza and drinking what little apple juice i have left in my refrigerator) without having to plan something in advance because, well, I'm really not too good at planning in advance and would probably forego doing something in order to not fill my schedule with something that could get in the way of my doing something that I thought of later. Which is really kind of dumb when you think about it (actually, in thinking about it, I guess I don't really do that since I just made plans to go see a play sometime in the middle of August, but I think it holds in some grander sense of figuring out where I am coming from).

3. It is appropriate here to talk about the actual pool games, but not so much up there because it would really hurt the flow of the extremely densely packed paragraphs. Of note was the fact that over the elevator to go up to the pool hall (which we did not take due to the fact that there were stairs right next to the elevators and it was only one flight up) was a sign from a New York City subway noting both the 1/9 and the 4/5 lines (or at least the Red and Green lines, the actual numbers being a little bit less than important) and I realized that this was going to be either an extremely awkward and nostalgic evening for me, or it would be one filled with joy (it was the latter, luckily). The games were $10 per hour and we ended up paying $13.13.

The first game involved me making some wonderful shots at the onset of the game and then proceeding to scratch my way to having all of my balls back on the table as the he called the 8 ball in the corner pocket (which, while not necessarily accurate is certainly poetic enough) was sunk and I lost. The second game involved me playing a bit better than the first, not scratching nearly as much and proceeding to lose by sinking the 8 ball at an inappropriate time (that is to say, before clearing the rest of the balls). "How cocky are you feeling?" he asked me before we started our last game. Back and forth it went (that is to say that I sunk some and then he did and then we had another stretch where it seemed that there must have been some sort of invisible force field around the pockets or that we just didn't understand the physics of pool or that we just sucked because no balls were going in anywhere) until we had both cleared all of our balls and were just shooting against the 8 ball and which I finally won not by actually making my shot but by his losing with a table scratch (which I think is a load of shit but those were the rules by which we were playing so I did end up the night redeeming myself some).

We shook hands after every game, we were equally matched at the game (though he a bit better than I) and our waitress was cute.

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