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Friday April 21, 2000, 10:36

Flashing lights from a cruiser down the road as I walk to my office, newspaper in hand, ready to tackle another exciting day. The cop saunters up to the window of the van, as cops always do. The window opens.

"Sir, do you know how ugly this car is?"
"Well, I..."
"You bought it in the 80s didn't you?"
"I don't actually recall, officer..."
"And you never bothered to paint it...
"Well, I..."
"Got any pictures of your baby girl in your wallet?"

The man looks physically nervous at this point. He fumbles around in his wallet, shuffling through card after card, bill after sweaty bill.

"No pictures of your girl eh?"
"Well, she's afraid of flashes you see and..."
"Son, I'm afraid I'm going to have to write you up."
"What's the charge?"
"$14.53"
"..."
"Plus tax, of course."
"Of course."

I passed the fish market. It smelled like fish. A lot of fish. Like, all the bad parts of fish.

I didn't stop.

I had a dream this morning. slowly slipping away from me i'll try to hold onto as much as i can. as time passes i either forget more and more, or something in my day will trigger a sense of "oh, that was part of it too, wasn't it?"

part i

i went shopping for pants in this big old warehouse thing with jen [in reality, we've never met] and i recall wandering upstairs and down stairs looking for something in particular. i don't think i ever found it.

part ii

i met two people on the T, freshman they were. i don't recall what i was. we rode together. i recounted the fact that i have no furniture. we ended up at one of their apartments. we sat around. we did a whole lot of nothing. i was just hanging out with them, my new friends.

a field trip. though not a particular fun one. we were going to the girl's house. her father was crazy. we had to sneak into the house to look for, what was i looking for? whatever it was, i encountered the father, seething. what was i doing there? if i don't get out, he told me, picking up the phone, he was going to call the cops. i ran, ran as fast as i could, away. trying to find them, my new friends. found them. together, in the girls bed. told her, your father is going to kill me (us, me?) and ran out again. no. it was a lot less frantic than that. the tension in that scene was me (or the me character as it was) outside the door, tapping, hey hey, don't come in, but the me character opens the door anyway to find the two of them naked in bed together. i leave.

in the car, window open when the father comes out and is standing outside the car door, talking to me. saying something, talking saying rambling, something about niggers rambling and i'm confused when suddenly he holds up one gun, something about not being able to use that, realizing that it's the girl's gun, the one thing that could possibly save me if she were to come out at this minute and save but no, he's there and he has another gun and i think and i realize that the one thing to do at this point is to swing open the door and knock the gun out of hand so i do and it does. a tussle, a tumble a i'm going to kill you get the hell off of me hands around his neck and crack his windpipe is crushed as the ambulance drives up the street and he on a stretcher (though what's the point?) when the ambulance explodes (i knew it would).

...

unfortunately, i think i can place all of these events in the context of my life, in the context of simone, and the book i'm reading and a conversation i had online yesterday and my bizarre fascination with the word pants.

i did sleep late today to get this dream though. oh how nice that was.

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