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Wednesday March 22, 2000, 02:37

well then.

a day at work staring at the monitor but for an hour or so asleep on the couch, and i return home to two hours of downtime sitting in my chair, feet propped up on the ottoman (an entire empire, reduced to a footstool), laptop slowly warming my lap, chatting on a computer.

when was the last time i read a book?

i was inspired, however, in reading nerve, to find the log from a couple of years ago of one night i spent on lambda moo. i knew that i had it buried somewhere on my computer, but where was a different story. of course i found it exactly where i should have expected to find it. it was in a file called 031698.netsex.txt.

oh. i forgot to mention that part.

it was way late, or way early depending on your frame of mind. i was consulting in the sunlab at school, a particularly glorious job where i got to sit behind a big computer and play while making sure that people didn't bring drinks and food to their $10,000 workstations and, every once in a while, teach someone some basic unix skillz.

so it was very late at night, and the lab was going to be open all night because i guess it was finals period or something like that, but that doesn't really make any sense because it looks like that file was from march, and there were no finals in march, so maybe it was just really late and i was really bored. and i decided to log into lambda just because i had gotten a new character and i wanted to play around.

and i noticed that there was the notion of gender, which i had always recognized, but never really played with. so i set my gender. and then realized that i could set the gender to whatever i wanted. but i didn't want to confuse my character, so i logged in as a guest and started flopping back and forth. @gender male. @gender female. if only sex change operations were so easy.

and i noticed a quirky thing. when i set my gender to female, i started getting hit on an awful lot. my god. is that what it's like to be a woman? to walk down the street and having people tell you that they want you to suck their dicks just because you're a woman and they're a horny bastard? i mean i remember walking down the street holding hands with a girl and having a couple of guys lean out the window and should that we were "a couple of lesbians" but to get that every day? and this was just online, where gender really doesn't mean anything anyway.

so of course i was just sitting there minding my own business when some guy pages me and asks me if i want to have sex with him. well, no, first he asked me if i was a virgin. then he asked if i wanted to have sex with him.

well! the nerve of this guy thinking that just because i was a gendered character in this virtual space and just because that gender was one with which he wanted to boink, that i was going to succumb to his wishes.

ok, so i'm weak. by then end of the encounter, my girl personal had had more sex with this guy than i had actually had in real life.

the really funny thing was that after it was all done, i ended up having a conversation with another person about the strange state of gender and sex on the moo and how most of the people logged in were probably men anyway.

god i love computers.

ok, or i hate computers, because i had a brilliant ending here and my computer decided to wipe it out. but that is ok, because i am such a good writer that i will again spoint out my brilliance and it will come out even better than the first time.

(here i must feed my ego so that it continues to allow me to write. otherwise my ego would say "screw you!" and i'd be left a spineless jellyfish making a mess in this otherwise lovely chair.)

that, and i'll just save this file a lot.

anyway, i was saying that i also love people. because without people, these computers would just be these little boxes that would have nothing better to do than sit around and figure out how to nuke the hell out of each other. as it stands, there is this wonderful interaction that can happen between people through these little boxes. now that's what really makes these computers special. of course there are all those arguments about whether or not you can be sure that you're really talking to another person on the other side of the computer blah blah blah turing test blah blah blah.

so what's the point? does there need to be a point? i've found myself writing more and more emails lately and doing less and less work in order to find myself some connection out there in this crazy world. i throw words out there in hopes that someone will pick them up and spit them back at me and tell me the right answer to all my problems.

problems which i haven't even bitched about here. but problems which don't have any answer but for what i can provide on my own.

i think i'll go write about sex now. that always seems to make me feel better.

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