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6 august 1999, 00:27

i am totally enamoured of the city. it's amazing. everywhere i go i want to smile. i want to smile at people. i realize of course that they'll think that i'm completely off my rocker. but that's okay, because this city is growing on me. though talking to maura at the company happy hour (free drinks and food on the company -- woohoo!) i'm thinking that this might last a couple of years at the most.

i mean i'm expecting to become bitter way before that.

on the other hand, i've found more pretty things in the city. so many pretty things. and people. and clothes. but looking out the window of the subway, standing as the only seats that were available were the ones next to the people who felt that they had the need to take up a seat and a half, not so much because they needed to, but more because they didn't want anyone sitting next to them and this way they didn't look like they were trying to take up room, but really were.

so standing on the subway looking out the window, seeing sparks, little bolts of lighting, shooting up from the tracks, illuminating the walls, the graffiti. there are things that i would like to record. things that i wish i could replay over and over, to show people, to say "hey, i saw this really cool thing that you really just had to be there to experience and let me share with you this recorded experience." i want to do this because the world can be such an interesting place sometimes.

but if experiences were infintely diplicatable, then individual experiences would probably become worthless. either that, or they'd become commodities, and then we wouldn't just be able to share them. we'd have to sell experiences and some experiences would be worth more than others, and you'd be worth more the more your experiences.

you are the sum of your experiences, right? that probably means that the experiences should be internalized, no put out there for everyone to touch.

after all, isn't that what the human experience of storytelling is for?

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