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monday, june 21, 1999, 00:15 i have a job. it seems like it's going to be a lot of fun. this after two whole days of work. but... i just got finished watching that made for tnt movie "pirates of silicon valley" all about bill gates and steve jobs and the companies that grew and fell around them. and it painted both companies in fairly unfavorable light, although i guess it did paint apple as the more noble of the two. anyway. i'm watching this movie, and there's a revolution going on. i mean these guys were doing new and interesting things. and it was something to be part of it. and i can't help that just like every other revolution that's happened these days, that i'm just not a part of these things. and maybe it's because i lack vision or something of the sort. or maybe because i'm not driven or because i'm lazy or because i'm just in a slump right now and need something to complain about. but whatever it might be, i'm noticing that i was watching the credits and wondering to myself what i'm doing in the computer field when what i really want to be doing is something in the entertainment field. and then i think to myself that i really do like doing both, and that maybe there's a way where i can balance everything in my life and make it all work out for myself. and then i think to myself that i'm crazy, that these things never work out and that i'd better make some money now and then follow my dreams. and then i realize that dreams are never realized by sitting at a desk when all you really want to do is sit on top of a ladder. on the other hand, sitting on top of a ladder all day might get as boring as sitting behind a desk. and really what's going on right here is that i'm feeling the kind of lonely that you can only feel when you're sitting at home and your girlfriend's just gone home and your best friend has gone off to his job in new jersey and your other best friend is still in school and yet another is moving out to boulder and you realize that it's time to get on with your life instead of sitting up staring at the little blinking lights on your modem. i mean, there's always time for this kind of thinking on the commute tomorrow.
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