|
thursday, june 3, 1999, 07:37 with this end of the school year thing, it seems that all the academic types around are all depressed and ungrounded-like. "i don't know where i want to be," says sam, another sam misses his susie. i know all about that. the ceremony this weekend was really nice. as i was walking down the hill, the streets flanked with parents of all kinds, i was filled with this overwhelming sense of good. whatever you want to call it, i was filled with it. i bust out with this big old grin, and i looked at seth (towering three feet over me, as he often does, being as tall as he is), and he looked back and told me that it was probably the happiest day of his dad's life, as his dad is both an alum and a trustee and was celebrating his 35th reunion as well. and well that just made me even happier, and we continued walking down the hill, waving to all the people that we'd met over the years, giving each other high-fives and hugs and exchanging "congratulations" and "woooo!s" and it was just a good day. yeah yeah, i love the cheese factor. what can i say? this continued, we did the latin thing, we walked back up the hill, we sat in the shade while a bunch of the other poor schlubs had to sit in the sun and we watched the ceremonial distribution of a number of the diplomas. from then, it was off to the departmental ceremony where we got our actual pieces o' latin filled paper and then it was off to champagne and little sandwiches and cheese. and i guess that's where things started getting weird. because that was the part where i really started saying goodbye to people whom i was probably never going to see again. imagine that. it reminds me of this time way back in the day when i did this show and i met this girl named amber. well we were friends, and then i had to go off to college or something, and we said goodbye. fast forward about three years, when i was working on another show and some guy in the show (was he a guard or something? or a dancer? or in the chorus?) came up to me and all subtle-like says "you probably don't remember my sister, but..." i'm sure you can figure out the rest of that one. amber was out in the audience that night, and i went to say hello, and we talked and caught up for a bit, and then we said goodbye again. that doesn't really happen all too often though. i said goodbye to people in the last week whom i'm probably not see again in my life. what does that mean? it's so big that i can't really imagine it. it's particularly strange being at home and not being able to pick up the phone and call one of however many people to see if they want to do something. not that i really did that all that much at school, but not having the option, and knowing that they're really not around, is a really unsettling thought. elaine came back with me on tuesday on her way back home. and she spent the night. and then we went into the city together and right before my (crappy) interview with mtv, we went to penn station and put her on a train back to new jersey. i looked back twice, to see her looking back as well, smiling. crappy interview. "we need support people" they said to me, and i told them very politely to shove it. definitely not what i was looking for, not after being on the wrong floor for my interview to begin with (*grumble*) and then having my interviewer forget about me (*grumblegrumble*). then went to meet the head hunters, and then it was home. set up the computer, have some dinner. and then settle in for some hard core thinking. called elaine on the phone and we talked, but her brothers (i wonder what it's like to have brothers) were hovering and, for various reasons, she had to get off the phone. as we left it, we're not completely apart yet, but we're also not in some sort of intense long-distance thing. we'll see what happens, and that's the best thing for everyone right now. not the easiest, but the only one that makes sense. the last time i cried was the summer before college, when i saw my father crying at my grandmother's funeral. since then, the tears have tried to pool, but nothing's been able to release. i sobbed myself to sleep last night.
| mon |