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wednesday, may 26, 1999, 02:15 it's been a week. and in less than one i'll be done with this life of academia. and i think it just hit me today when the recruiters called me again about this interview that i have two days after I get home. i'm beginning to think that this incarnation of this site has outlived its usefullness. or something. i've said this before, and i was noting tonight that i haven't written here in forever. but maybe that's because it doesn't feel right any more. maybe it's because there was some hole as a student that needed to be filled which just doesn't make any sense any more. or maybe it's because the design sucks monkey balls. it's senior week now. that means that there are lots of gatherings and whatnot. and i've been working on this show. twhich really doesn't bother me. what? no really. it's not a worry that i'm not getting to go off to newport, or go to the senior formal at the biltmore. so what's the worry? i think the worry is taht i've been spending too much time in the theatre and not getting to prioritize my life. i've been getting really crabby lately, and it might just be the realization that i'm never going to see a lot of these people ever again. that's totally fucked up. i saw my friend elly on the street last week, car all packed up. "you leaving?" "in a couple of minutes." "well, umm, bye." and that was it. now granted we weren't the best of friends, but to have to say goodbye to somebody like that is just really scary. it's also strange having all those new relationships with freshamn and other people i've just met this year. and it's twisted, hearing laughing in the hallway and knowing that i'm not going to want to talk to any of them when they walk in here. knowing that i'm really really not in a talky mood, though i've been feeling so lonely lately that i could burst. what is it that makes someone want to talk one minute and not the next? maybe it was the fac tthat my day sucked. that i spent the day in the theatre. that i was expecting downtime and didn't get it. the fact that i think i'm becoming too clingy and the fact that i'm alone right now, that she opted to go home to sleep instead of be with me (though she was really tired and i guess i understand) is something i can't deal with. less than one week. i think that realization is hitting me today on so many levels. blah blah depression depression. i should just have a good cry and be done with it rather than internalizing it and then spewing it out here. so, if anyone wants to see a production of jesus christ superstar and you're going to be in the providence, RI area over the weekend, let me know and i'll hook you up with some tickets. because i've been pouring my heart into this thing and if everyone and their mom doesn't get to see it i'll be very upset. i mean, i know my mom is coming to see it...
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