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saturday, may 15, 1999, 02:46 my friend sam has an alter ego. his other persona is that of zorro, the urban matador, who rides through the streets on his trusty bicycle tornado, with a beatiful woman at his side and fighting for truth and justice. i don't have an alter ego. i just have jcn. jcn isn't exactly what i'd call an alter ego. because jcn is really me. jcn just happens to be the me that always knows what to say, and always sounds fairly intelligent saying it. that is because jcn doesn't actually have a voice. well, not an audible one at least. jcn's voice is right here. in these words that are read, not heard. jcn might only exist in the computer. the words that come out of my scribblings, my margin musings; those are not necessarily jcn. but being here, late at night, the world silent. this is where jcn can live. where the words locked away somewhere in my head come to live in the voice of this other. this one which can say the things it wants to say, to be the things that it wants to be. jcn does not really care what other people think. it is always i who must pull back on the reins, to slow down the flood of text which comes from my mind. which comes through in the writings under the name jcn. i can't speak like this in reality. it ends up sounding stupid, or silly, or somewhere in between. but thanks to jcn, that's not so bad.
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