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monday, april 19, 1999, 02:37 i'm sitting here in my (slightly) cold room listening to boston classical station, a broken mac plus and harddrive wrapped with cables a architecture book and flashlight behind me on my bed missing her she who was there this morning when i woke and last night when i drifted off to sleep, not here now (we both have work to do) increasingly i regress more and more this afternoon i ended up flipping channels on tv (procrastination as ever) and watched part of a mickey mouse vacation movie that i still have on tape somewhere at home, the gang at the beach, a crab clawing after pluto's butt and all that. two nights ago singing old fourth grade songs too too loudly with help from friends piecing together
my paddle's keen and bright
dip dip and swing it back or something of the sort (it has been a dozen years or so) and i find all this in response to leaving this school leaving schooling for good leaving friends leaving this address which i have held onto for a year leaving new friends and stage combat and late nights in the theatre building impossible dreams and leaving budgets and board meetings, leaving holes in the wall and late nights breaking in for poetry readings. missing all of this. worrying about missing her, about starting this now and leaving it so soon forcing myself not to worry so much hoping it will work out in the end and knowing that she will be here next and i will (if the winds continue the way they have) will be a country away. the music has sped, and so must i, if i intend to finish this paper before the new day peeks its way through my window.
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