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monday, january 25, 1999, 03:50 there's still a review for varsity blues coming. i just really haven't had the energy lately. after falling asleep out the sofa last night, i think i've really decided that making it to my bed is going to be priority number one these days. i just took out the garbage and in that one moment, and we're talking a period of a couple of minutes, i had so much contact with so much other life, it was incredible. first of all, either they're watching porn downstairs, or they're having sex in the living room, because, well. right. anyway. and then a man walks up to me as i'm emptying the recycling container into the one that we put out on the street and we had a nice little conversation about what time the cops ticket the cars on the street and whether i was out looking for redeemable cans as well. and then i saw the cop drive by and pause for a moment outside of our neighbors house, and then slap a ticket on the windshield. what an exciting evening! that's not to say that the rest of my day hasn't been a real kick in the pants. i mean, i woke up on the couch, took a shower, read my magazines, ate some food, had a meeting, and somewhere in there realized that i might actually want to move out to sanfrancisco. yeah. "boston all the way!" i'd been saying up until this point. but why? i've always considered moving out west, and really the only thing that was holding me away was the distance. and then people told me that i didn't really want to go there because it's too expensive, and that i wouldn't like the culture and i convinced myself that i wouldn't want to go because i'm really an east coast type person and that it's nice to be able to travel around new england, and i really like seasons and all that jazz. and then i realized that most of the reasons that i was not wanting to go out there were my own reasons. they weren't anything more than an excuse not to try something new. and i think that at this point in my life, i'm not going to really figure myself out unless i really turn my life so far upside down that i'm not going to be be able to fall back onto anything familiar and i'm going to force myself to get a handle on things. besides, san francisco. art. computers. what more could i ask for? well, besides it being closer. but other than that, what more indeed? any opinions one way or another about what i should do with myself are more than welcome, because hell, i don't know.
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