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monday, january 11, 1999, 03:17 it's funny. i just noticed that i haven't left the house now for two days except to take the christmas tree outside or to get some firewood. i have not left this house because i have nothing better to do. i have not left this house, because there is nowhere else do go. hell, i only took two steps outside when i helped dad take out the tree. i can only blame it on the mouth for so long. soon enough i've going to have to fess up to the fact that i have no motivation and i'm just scared to death of moving on with my life right now. i find more comfort in talking to people over the computer than well i was going to say talking to people here until i realized that there are no more people here. duh. i've got to go back to school soon so i can get ready for this interview thing which i still haven't heard back about which i'm still nervous about because well they're calling me back for a second round interview without ever having heard a first round with me. on the other hand, everything else in my life has been going this way so far, so why should i break a trend now. i mean, deferral then acceptance to college, rejection and acceptance to a ta possition, rejection then a summer acceptance to the consultant position. this one might be my lucky break. and i suppose the other source of trauma in my life right now, and though it may seem minor to some, but is most certainly not to me, is that I WANT TO EAT SOLID FOOD AGAIN. okay, that was good. i mean, how much pudding and yogurt and rice mush and jello can one person take? ugh. oh, and this whole mouth thing has also called off my trip to visit some of those names without faces whom i know only through chat and email down in the dc area. i guess i'll have to hold off for another year or so, eh? on the other hand, i know now that the hell that was my history of jazz class last semester actually paid off. i was listening to steely dan while my cousin busied herself packing her belongings for her trek out to san francisco when a tune came on. jazz, i though. most certainly jazz. ah ha! east st. louis toodle-oo. i knew that course would come in handy.
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