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wednesday, december 2, 1998, 02:11 i've been in the theatre for days. more on that later. here's the entry which never got put up last week as i was travelling northward on amtrak leaving turkey dinner heading for sleepless nights. 11:00 am 1998 november 27 he held his hands out to her. "come to me" as if to say. and she just smiled at him. a coy little smile. a smile that said "i love you." and they locked eyes for a moment, his arms still spread wide, and she turned away from him and nestled into his body, her arms meshing with his. and they sleep. the announcer comes on. "Next stop Bridgeport." they release. don shoes, talk. and she gets up and walks to the end of the car while he stays in the seat, staring blankly at the world passing by, thinking some about the work he has to do, but more than that, thinking about this woman who will soon be again sitting in his lap pushing her head back against his chest, smiling. and i watch this and more and more i realize that i no longer live my own life. instead, i've been living other people's lives. because i can watch them be happy or miserable and take a completely objective view and not have to worry about consequences in my own life because, well, because whenever i want, i can shut off their life just like i can shut off a tv. and as soon as that happens, it ceases to be my issue. i lose the good, but i also lose the bad, which seems much safer to me. i look at the cute couple and think about what a good time they're having and i can look at the couple who isn't speaking to each other any more and i can think myself to deal, but what it comes down to is that i really don't have to worry about my life this way. an interesting study in people's perceptions of others yesterday. as is always the case with me, the conversation with the woman across from me on the train turned from me in school to computers and the theatre. but more about computers. and of course, as any conversation that is had among people goes, as we near the end of the twentieth century, we started talking of that blasted "year two thousand bug" which, to be honest, i don't think is going to cause any problems at all. and we were talking about how the big problems are going to come about when the financial institutions of the world collapse. and then she said the most interesting thing. she said that it would be "a good time to be poor." which struck me as a funny thing to say. but then i wondered why i thought that. have i just been so engulfed in being sensitive and politically correct that when anyone brings up something that could be considered, well, not bad but. well, let's be honest here. when people bring up anything that isn't white and middle class, i immediately see this as an inappropriate statement. is that really legitimate? or am i just too insecure that i can't deal with it? and, on a completely separate note, i watched the tail end of mars attacks! last night again when i was at mike's house, and i was struck again with how interesting life is, and how funny it is that after all these years, i'm still friends with the people i'm friends with. i with my dyed hair and spiked collar, he with his short-plastered-to-my-head hair and polo shirt. funny what life gives you. and what you keep. Wed Dec 2 12:43:11 EST 1998 the good thing about those tests is that even if you don't know anything, you can just sit back, relax and listen to jazz... wrote thomas, when i was complaining about the test that i'm about to fail. who was i kidding when i thought i could take a jazz class for a grade. but regardless, way to put things in perspective. hrm.
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